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I Decided… on Loyatly

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FRIENDSHIP. LOVE. DEVOTION. FAITHFULNESS. These are all words synonymous with a virtue that at times is seemingly absent within relationships these days. I have been told many times throughout my life, and at one point, came to believe that “no man is faithful.” When speaking with men I’ve been told that “both men and women cheat, women are just better at it.” There were times where I’ve been shocked by hearing of infidelities within relationships that have surpassed its 20th year. That once this takes place, they somehow move on and rebuild. Is this the type of devotion needed in order to have a lasting relationship; that once betrayed you somehow find a way to stick with it?

I have decided that total allegiance by two lovers/friends isn’t an impossible feat. I know I am not the only soul who believes in unwavering loyalty based on a friendship where you hope for the other as much (or maybe even more) as you do for yourself. Everyone needs someone or something to be grounded to. Everyone needs a reliable support system (especially when they’re of the ambitious nature). And when it comes to building with someone and moving towards having a family, the unit is what matters beyond any singular, selfish desire.

Tolstoy said that “to say that you can love one person all your life is just like saying that one candle will continue burning as long as you live.” But to achieve greatness, one must believe in what others may see as impossible. I have decided that I am here to achieve greatness. What have you decided?

I give thanks to my friends and loved ones who show their unwavering Love and Loyalty. I recorded this over and over until my fingers were sore. Dedicated to you… a cover of Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me.” Enjoy.

All in the Name of Love

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Two nights ago I had a dream that I stroked my hair past my shoulder.  And as I stroked my hair, it grew all the way past my stomach.  Of course, being the spiritual kook that I am, I looked up what that meant on www.dreammoods.com.  The site said that the long hair meant that I was “thinking long and carefully before making some decision…concentrating on some plan or situation” and that “stroking [my hair] suggests…taking on and evaluating a new idea, concept, outlook, or way of thinking.”  And that I may be putting my “thoughts in order.”  Which is actually pretty accurate.

The concept of Love is one that has evolved for me over the years.  As much of romantic as I think I am, I never truly wanted Love in the form of a significant other.  I definitely have experience all sorts of infatuation, but the aspiration of a lasting Love has always been something way back in my mind.  There is so much Love within my friends and family circle that I never really pined for someone to Love the way movies and media asks us to.  I think I may have even thought of it more as a fantasy than an actual reality of life.  But it is through this dream my interpretation of Real Love comes to form (homage to MJB).

Now, this will probably sound ridiculous to a lot of people, but I am totally In-Love with my hair.  Ha!

How do I know?

HAIRLOVE2  I washed and conditioned it…  HAIRLOVE3  deep conditioned it…  HAIRLOVE11  combed it out…

HAIRLOVE13and twisted it.

It is a PROCESS (called True Love…lol)!  I just spent 4 hours doing my hair.  Now, as I type this out, I realize this just seems like acts of vanity.  But I could cut that time down in HALF if I just got a relaxer in my hair and STILL style it fabulously.  But I WILL NOT!  Regardless of how difficult it may be at times, I have a genuine Love for my hair.

HAIRLOVE12 Don’t let the face fool you! LOL.  I Love the tight curls.  The Love the thickness.

HAIRLOVE10  I Love the texture.

HAIRLOVE6 These are all of the things that make it difficult, but these characteristics are the beauty of it.

HAIRLOVE9  I get to spend my entire life with the versatility that my hair has to offer by just getting through these moments that seem like agony (Lord knows putting a comb through it is not easy, even with the Chinese, Dutch and Native Guyanese Amerindian blood in me).

HAIRLOVE8

This is definitely a simplified explanation of Love.  With another person I can ONLY imagine what it takes to go through your entire life with one person that you will never give up on and who will never give up on you.  I can only imagine that it is those moments that require a seemingly insurmountable amount Strength, Loyalty and Love that would get two people through to a 30th or 50th anniversary.  Not to mention the Understanding, Affection and Compromise (I tell everyone, most times I let my hair do what it wants to do…lol).  Real Love is total acceptance of the other person, flaws and all.  Of course there will be things that each person will have to work on for the sake of the relationship (NO ONE IS PERFECT). But it’s in the choices made at the times when you feel as though you’re at a breaking point that strengthen the bond between two lovers.

So I ask you, at what point did you say and know that you really Loved/ were In-Love? All stories welcomed. I mean, I talked about my hair for goodness sake. ;o)

HERE WE ARE…But why are you here?

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Yesterday evening I went to see the Judith Malina play, “Here We Are” at The Living Theatre.  In all honesty, I cannot give you a full rundown.  After leaving from the gym all I really wanted to do was lay in bed and not think.  I thought that sitting for a play would be a breeze. Instead I was denied the ability to stare blankly at a stage, bedazzled by lights and language.  Though I was thoroughly entertained, the nature of the play forced me to be a part of it.  At one point, ensemble members pulled audience members from the circle in the round setting, offering materials to make sandals with laces of yarn.  It was fun, but it was definitely a play that asked me to think and get involved.  “Here We Are” asked the audience “why are you here,” directing us to work together in for the sake of prosperity, regardless of our differences in opinion.

Aside from the message of unity, the play also made me think of the phrase that “he stands for nothing will fall for anything.”  Although we have to work collectively, we need to form our own opinions and actively believe in something and get involved within our individual lives.  It’s so easy to live life without really living; to live just to survive for the next day, following blindly.  But to really live, we have to stand for something and never falter.  Even when things are difficult or if someone says we will never succeed or we are lead astray from our path towards our goal, we have to find the strength and courage to refocus and move forward.

I strive to be good and positive, all the while my faults and mistakes are brought to light.  I strive to learn more and to grow all the while realizing how much I really do not know and how much deeper I have to go in order to spring new life and inspiration to my daily life.  To be better than I am is a simplistic idea, but it is this line of thought that motivates me. I guess simplicity was also in the directive of the play.  Because something so simple as making sandals teaches us how to work together. Something so simple as being better and learning continually is the undercurrent of things so much greater. Every goal I set asks me to work towards achieving things I couldn’t have done before.

What is it that makes you continually strive towards an aim, regardless of how many times you fall or how many times you’re told what you’re striving for is impossible?  Is it a money motivation?  Is it to create?  Is it happiness?  Is it Love?  Is it just to show everyone that you’re stronger than they think? Because if you aren’t striving for something, why are you here?

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

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Everyday is a blessing.  The goal is to learn a new lesson everyday, regardless of how profound or simple.  Over the past four months I’ve learned a few things about myself and about what it is that I want out of life.  This spans from my professional life, to my hobbies and passions, including Love.

As some of you may know, I started taking guitar classes the last week of October, which was my way of reaching deeper into my need to create.  I started writing stories at the age of eight (don’t ask me what I was writing at that age) and I’ve always loved music and singing for just about as long.  Though I am no maestro, I think I’ve come a ways in these four months.  And since I didn’t know what to post today, I thought I would expose a different piece of me through my love for music and singing.

Here is my version of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”  In time, I hope that I will be able to post more than covers.  I have a few songs in the works and I hope that you’ll stick around to see them.  In the meantime, enjoy the cover. 🙂 ❤

Where is the Love?

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I’ve been trying to stay consistent by posting every 3-4 days, sharing my thoughts and hoping to get some of yours.  So today…post date!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful LOVE DAY!  I’ve been asking friends for a few days on a good “Love” topic.  The best comment/ suggestion I got was “speak from the heart/ hablar desde el corazon.” (Two friends, two languages. Lol.)

I started drafting a post Tuesday night on what I believed “True Love” to be within a relationship between a man and woman.  I woke up this morning and started editing to post it as soon as I could.   But throughout the morning, I noticed a lot of posts on Facebook and Instagram that were the total opposite of what I think this day means.  So I had to change it up.  What better thing to speak of today than the day itself and what it has always meant to me?

Even as an adolescent I believed Valentine’s Day to be a day to just EXPRESS LOVE.  Now, I do understand some hate it because it’s totally commercialized.  But Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s are commercialized holidays and they get way more Love than the national holiday of Love.  Why is that?  I wondered, did everyone have the same belief as a kid?  If so, where did this belief go?  Is Love so absent in our everyday life that we have to feel insecure if we aren’t in a relationship?  Are we so jaded that even if we are in a relationship we have to talk down to those who aren’t?  When has showing Love EVER been a bad thing?   Getting texts, cards and candy from spouses, friends and parents are sweet little gestures that inspire nothing but good.  I wonder if it is that purity that has been forgotten, which makes this day that is supposed to be all about Love,  more about bitterness and negativity?

Thoughts?

I also wanted to be sure that today of all days I show appreciation to those who have read, commented and/ or liked my page on both the blog and my IG.  Thanks for showing Love.

Remember, Love inspires all things.  So inspire Love! ♥

Everything Happens for a Reason?

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I’ve gotten perspective from a few minds that I respect and the answer varies.  Some say “yes.”  Some say “no.”  Some say “it does to a degree.”   Some just said, “I don’t know.”

This subject is so complex, because our lives are so complex.  So much happens in the span of a day for us to deliniate each happenstance as a means or an end.  Is it broken down to who we meet each day?  Each dream? Every conversation?  Every feeling?  Or is it only when something that we deem as significant happens, that every event leading up to that moment happened soley for the purpose of that moment, that reason?

This post is all questions and no answers because I don’t know myself.  I don’t think that anyone really knows.  It’s all about belief.  I’d go so far as to say it’s all about Faith or even Fate.  To believe that everything happens for a reason, you’d have to believe in being at the right place at the right time.  You might even have to believe in being at the wrong place at the right time.  “It all happens for a reason.”

What do you believe?

Compromise: The Unequal 50/50

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A quick online look-up of the word “compromise” states:

  • to bind by bargain or agreement.
  • to bring to terms.
  • a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.
  • something intermediate between different things

When I was younger I thought that a compromise was when two people “met in the middle” and there was a clear 50/50 draw in a situation. But I’ve come to realize that isn’t always the case.  In every relationship there is compromise, but in any given situation throughout the relationship one person may give more than the other.

My mother said “the woman is always the one to give and sacrifice more in any relationship.” Of course, this is difficult for me to accept. Though my mother and I are extremely close, we don’t always agree. I had to get second and third opinions, male and female. Unfortunately, the second and third agreed with mom. Apparently, we women have to compromise for the sake of our man’s ego, as it’s natural for the man to be the alpha in the relationship, aka the head of the house. But when is it too much? I love to give and nurture, but I never want to feel like I’m the only one tending to the garden. How much do you give before you feel as though instead, you’re compromising yourself within the relationship?

I have yet to accept that I will have to give and compromise more than my partner because of the “nature of things.” I will keep hope alive, because I never want to feel as though everything is a sacrifice “in the name of love.” Granted, the give and take are all about the perception of each person. Each person weighs their own contribution and what they get from the relationship differently. A relationship might work because one person thrives by giving while their partner accepts willingly (not everyone is comfortable with always accepting).

Compromise is about finding that balance between two people who make a relationship work. My vision of a relationship is one where I feel as though I’m getting as much as I’m giving. I may even go far enough to say, my vision of a relationship is one where I never feel as though I can give enough because of all that I gain from it on any given level.

The real questions is: How much can/will you give to make it work?

On that note…enjoy Teddy P. What can I say, I’m a romantic. 🙂

Working Toward My Goals

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One of the things I remember my mom telling me is that I like shiny things.  So this can be analogized to mean that I love extraordinary things. 

I am turned on by fantasies (and I don’t mean sexual), flowery words, beautiful art, passionate music … the list goes on and on.  I want to place my bed in a garden of words, clothe myself with art, bathe in passionate music.  But that seems to be the story of my life. I want it, I want it, I want it … But the difference between me and some folks is that I will work for what I want!  I will work until I’m tired and I’ve got nothing left to give.  My knowledge comes from knowing myself and my willingness to know others. 

What makes me weak is that I reveal too much and one has to have a certain amount of cunning in this world.  I am the “tell me what you got, I’ll tell you what I got, and we can work from there” type of person… Guileless.

So, why haven’t I fallen thus far with such a weakness?  I have met so many good people and I treasure them, and I am not shy to get rid those who aren’t conducive to my growth. 

Why haven’t I failed so far?  I am resilient.

Why do I feel as though I’m destined to achieve more than I’ve ever dreamed of?  Those people, my resilience and my knowledge of self …

Keep and eye out for me … the Late Bloomer … again … giving you all she’s got.

Maya Angelou … Inspiration

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April’s ESSENCE magazine featured an article on Maya Angelou.  A woman who has written 13 books of poetry and acquired 30 honorary degrees, danced with Alvin Ailey, recorded and released an album called Miss Calypso, designed and remodeled how own Harlem home could only be described as someone inspirational and amazing (I refuse to be cliche and use the “p” word).  She has achieved more than I could dream of, yet is everything that I strive for.  An “every-woman’s” woman who always strives to be fearless with life.  In the article she says that the “worst thing is to be too timid in life.  Life is about saying here I am, so let’s go!”

I just returned from my tap class, and in light of Angelou, I thought to mention just how amped I am to be taking it.  I’ve always wanted to take tap.  When I was about 9 I put on my patent leather PayLess shoes and sat my parents down so that they could see me “tap” on the front-entrance linoleum floor.  Tomorrow I take my voice lesson and rehearse a scene with my company mate Anna Frankl-Duval.

I guess it’s my time to be fearless so …. LET’S GO!! 😀

It’s time to read Angelou’s autobiography now … (I know, I’m way late, but better late than never)?