Category: Poetry

Accountability

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Life is a process that includes failing over and over again for the sake of learning how to live the best life we can. It is imagined that each of these choices lead us to a life that we intend. So ask yourself three questions:

  • At this point, am I living the life I intended?
  • Am I on the road to the life I envision for myself?
  • How much have I held myself accountable for the choices I have made in relation to the outcome of my life at this point?

This idea of accountability has been on my mind as of late. Honestly, I wrongly held it in judgment of another. Once I put into perspective that this person’s choices are personal and should only be judged by this person, and can only be changed by this person, I directed this critical lens to myself. I asked myself those same questions and came to the conclusion that I am too often careless with my thoughts, too often careless in my words, and too often careless in my actions. I need to be more intentional in my every day life.

I came to this conclusion with full understanding of how blessed I am and have been. Many tangible blessings came over the past few years, with conscious thought and direction of spirit and action. Others came by seeming happenstance. And I say seeming, because I believe that we all manifest things, people, and circumstances into our lives. Even if we are not conscious of how we called them into our lives, they are put here to teach us about ourselves in relation to the world and to expose us to the world as a whole. It is our job to learn and apply as necessary.

So, how do you view life? Your vision, your ethics, your ambition, etc., are all tools you develop and strengthen throughout life. Do you let things, people and circumstances sharpen those tools to or do you shift your direction and let them control your actions negatively?

We are all blessed with talents and many of us acquire special skills. To acquire our goals, we must direct these talents and acquired knowledge to make choices that positively influence us and those around us in a positive way. When we hold ourselves accountable for our lives and choices, we are able to make the necessary changes to our thoughts and outer worlds to better fit our vision.

Accountability starts with the way we see our lives, continues with how much we believe we have an influence over our lives, and ends with the actions we take within our lives. Make each thought, feeling and action count.

ac·count·a·bil·i·ty
əˌkoun(t)əˈbilədē/

noun

:the quality or state of being accountable; especially :an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions
Definition acquired by https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/accountability

I wrote a poem yesterday (11/11/2017), inspired by this topic, and it is featured on the “Poetry” page (link above).

Expect more poetry in the future, but if you want to read new poetry daily, follow me on any one of my social media pages.

Completion Through Love

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My vision
My soul-mate
I was made whole
But completion is what I sought
In you
In me
The charge behind my passions
The comfort in my holds
Released within your arms
The world, a fog beyond my grasp
We will create
We will inspire
Seeing everything and nothing beyond our world
Together
We have so much to do
Cultivate
Build
To inspire within each other what we want to see in the world
The challenge and privilege of Love
Of THIS Love
We are the seed
We are just a branch of a tree
Just the stem to a leaf
We were made whole
But we sought completion
The balance we craved and seeked blindly was in the other
Heart to Heart
Mind to Mind
Soul to Soul

To Succeed in Trying

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About a week ago I found myself in a negative mind space. It wasn’t the first time and it probably won’t be the last. So as a boost, I declared to the Facebook universe that I would do something inspiring to myself. What better thing for me to do than write?!

I guess this is a confession of sorts, because in all honesty, everything that I’ve done that seems the least bit inspiring has been done for the sake of my spirit. I guess I haven’t needed much inspiring lately because I haven’t been doing much inspiring (if that makes sense). I hadn’t been writing as much, working out as much, singing as much or practicing my guitar. I’ve set so many goals and have so far to go, yet I haven’t been giving them my all. And to say the least, I was a bit disappointed with my actions.

Because goals set had not come to complete fruition I felt as though I hasn’t really accomplishing anything. I haven’t been doing as much as I used to, and I realized in a sense I was basing my accomplishments on the saying “to try is to fail.” One must just do, right? And I guess to some degree, I agree. But there is a part of me that says that saying is wrong. The first attempt at a new accomplishment, or any accomplishment for that matter, is the act of trying. You’re not sure what the outcome will be but you make the attempt anyway. I actually think that giving an honest try at a goal is an accomplishment in itself. It’s coming to terms with possible initial failure and still stepping forward, chest out, heart out, hope out. I don’t know anyone who wants to fail, so to tell yourself that you will do something no matter how many times you seem to fail says something tremendous about your spirit. And I guess one can argue that everyone should always go into and endeavour expecting to accomplish their desired result. But sometimes life is funny way of showing you your strengths in what path to take to your goal.

We learn everyday, and lots of times that learning is of ourselves. We learn where we’re weak and where we’re strong. In my trying I’ve seen weaknesses that I obviously didn’t like. I work at being better, but there were setbacks, both internal and external. Still, I work to make those changes a way of life. I could continue to wallow in the fact that there is still much growth to be had but I look at the changes and know I’m well on my way to all I want to accomplish. Though I’m not there, I know the key is to try continually . So I’ve accepted new challenges as well as refashioned my goals to be more short-term successes–breaking down the time frames. Where I was a year ago shows significant growth in all aspects of my life. So I will continue to try and be better.

“Try: to make an effort to do or accomplish something.”

#knowbetterdobetter

Finding Love in Adolescence

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I wrote this a few years ago, observing and imagining what it is to be a teenager and feel Love without fully understanding yourself, much less, understanding what it is to truly love another person. As a teenager/ child, we are bombarded with images of what Love really is. Sometimes even as adults we lack the consciousness to grasp what Love really means and how to give and receive Love. But Life is the best teacher there is. I hope you enjoy!

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She lies in his bed
He rolls over and kisses her
Though he says he’d rather have ambition
He does nothing but try to keep her

He’s blind, and she loves him blindly
Not conscious, so they’re vulnerable to each other’s faults
Defensiveness makes them love anxiously
And progression escapes them because there’s nothing besides the two

They love each other deeply
Together before they even wanted to know of love
Still, they don’t know each other or themselves enough
To show what that means or to build

He says he loves her, but fights to love himself
His life is complicated as other young men he knows
Uneducated, brainwashed to think he can’t be more
So, he’s unable to understand love as a selfless action

Each is incomplete because they’re
Angry at themselves and life
They feel as though they got the clam and not the pearl
No longer wondering of possibility, just pressured

So close, so they can’t see how they fit; that they fit
But he travels deeply, and she’s wide open
He doesn’t see that she really loves him, without understanding
And she can’t see that he uses her to cope, in Love

He doesn’t know where to begin, to survive and provide in this world
And he swears no one understands his difficulties
So he runs the streets
Because he knows she’ll always be faithful

She thinks that her hope is defeated
And her man should be her life’s plan
She sticks because loving him is the only thing she thinks she’s good at
But they still have a long way to understand what it is to love

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You keep telling me that what I want is too big
You keep telling me that the words won’t come
There’s a stifling grip around my spirit, but still I fix my gaze
It doesn’t matter where I stand at this very moment or what I currently hold in my hand
My mind’s eye is set on site
And my heart’s open
There’s so much that I want
And it is only now that I have the courage to admit it
So I’m learning how to give to receive
I’m learning how to whole-heartedly believe, though things come slowly
Conscious of my hold, so as not to slip with my passionate grip
Because overbearing strength is not always the way
Feminine finesse and faithful patience are still acquiring traits
But as long as my hands can write
And as long and my heart can feel
I will write of love and dreams beyond loss
And I will write life and love into my dreams
Goals set forth, bearings implanted in my character and creativity
Reminding myself to no longer take for granted the queen in me
Still molding myself and my mind
So much more revealed in my constant kneading
And I am better than before
I am smarter than before
I love better than before
And all that I am is the foundation to all that will be

Faith

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It is said that as humans, we are negative by nature. I only just realized I was not as positive of a person as I thought I was because nine out of ten times you will see me with a smile on my face, and nine out of ten times I will be the one to encourage you in whatever endeavour you are pursuing. But when it came to my own pursuits, I used to worry about what the outcome would be and would think of this as being “realistic,” because I would think of all of the outcomes of a situation, good and bad. I didn’t realize that this didn’t allow me to set higher goals, and that this was in fact subconsciously deterring me from whole-heartedly pursuing anything. Every test, every event of significance, every relationship, would be analyzed to the point of stress. And if I actually set a goal, I would stress about when I would get what it is I was trying to achieve. Depending in my emotional investment in the event, I would sometimes even lose sleep over it.

Obviously, that is no way to live. So, I’ve been building on my positive outlook. This has not been easy, as I do live in the land of cynics. I was even proud of being a cynic. And not to further enforce the stereotype of the “typical New Yorker,” but I LOVE cynicism! But in building, I’ve realized that there is a thin line between cynicism and negativity. Some may even say there are no differences between the two. So I teeter with my love of this type of comedy and climbing out of the abyss of a negative mind.

Everyday I interact with people who complain and worry about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. This environment makes it difficult to keep a complete positive outlook. So many people walk around jaded by their own experience, whether it be envy, resentment, anger, selfishness, mistrust, etc. It’s with this knowledge and forcing myself to be conscious of how I approach certain situations that I have recently gotten to a place where I felt as though I didn’t feel a thing. Worry wasn’t my underlying feeling from day-to-day. I felt that anything that I wanted would come to fruition. And it was in this feeling of certainty that I truly understood what having Faith was. I used to think that Faith was just a mindset, but it is actually a state of being within your mind, heart and soul. And the soul is at a place where, if it’s grounded enough in Faith, it cannot be shaken by any negativity. I have gotten to a point where I truly believe that I will not only attain all that I need, but all that it is I want. And it is with this state of being that I move forward.

There are of course other things that I’ve been working on achieving with this new mindset, but continuing with unwavering Faith and the determination to spreading positivity and Love is the highest goal. This is the underlying current. This is the starting point.

Perseverance

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Anyone who knows me knows that my biggest issue with writing is finishing.  Poems, stories, songs…any form you can name. Too many times I’ve stop writing and moved onto a different piece.  It is said that the only way to succeed in life is to persevere.  A piece of art is like a piece of life.  Throughout it’s creation there are ups and downs; moments when you’re totally inspired and moments when you have to force the words on the page.  It’s when you hit those low moments that you have to push through and continue writing. If you persevere through those moments, you will create something magnificent.

I love to write.  With the few stories and many poems I’ve finished, not only was it satisfying to write and complete a piece, but it was reworking and editing that gave me fulfillment.  I’ve lost many of them since, due to technological malfunctions (my heart is still a bit broken) and a time after then, I couldn’t write.  But I am a writer.  It’s even gratifying to edit and preview this blog repeatedly until it says just what I want it to say.  I write to produce pieces that I can go back to and re-read and still find Truth in it.  And though I’ve never really stopped writing since I was 8, I can’t say I’ve ever truly pursued it.  Because of this, I haven’t gotten very far with writing.  But I will not let that stop me from my current goal.  I’ve chosen to persevere.  I am a writer.

Regardless of what it is that you want to accomplish, as long as there is passion and Love, it will shine through in the end result in spite of the difficulties you faced throughout.  Maybe you’ve pursued things to this point that are worthy of you, and maybe you haven’t; but it’s never to late to go after what it is that you truly want.  Once you figure out what that is, make the changes needed to accomplish your goals/ dreams.

We live in a world where we are taught to be “realistic” and advised to be practical with choosing what it is that we want in our lives.  There are moments when you may be discouraged.  It is natural.  But you must remember to keep moving.  Sometimes you may have to go back to the beginning and start from the ground up.  Regardless of how often you falter, you must never give up!  Perseverance is the key success!

They say the way you do one thing in life is the way you do everything in life.  So decide…

All in Love is Fair

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Something inspired by Stevie Wonder’s ability in finding a way to give a piece of his soul while taking a piece of yours in a way that only a musical genius could.

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Was it wrong to want you? Because Hades still burns through and through. From deepened thoughts to softened skin. At times I wonder if it’s really Love that I feel, this passion that consumes me in melancholic bouts. Or could it just be infatuation? All I know is I want you next to me. And in these moments, spurs of idiomatic phrases crystallize in my soul. “I love you.” “I want you.” I think I’ve felt almost every feeling that is because of you, down to the most sinful and I pray that the Universe doesn’t hurl them back at me with your absent presence. Because when I told you I loved you, you put me on hold. So I shoved you out of my life though I still ache to have you near. And I wonder to myself “is it a mistake?” Could I have, should I have endured your proclamations of love without feeling the breath of those words? No.

Though love is patient, I can wait no longer. Maybe in a later life I wold be able to touch your skin again. Maybe in a later life you’ll be the African and I’ll be the Egyptian. But the woman of this life shall endure without the sweetness of your words. The woman of this life will no longer touch her lips to your lips and will ache at the thought of being without those meager things. Those dreams of Love sting less when it doesn’t dangle from a tree like some strange fruit. A faded memory, out of sight to lessen the pain. Call me a coward for searching for the less painful dream of making love to “music of my mind.”

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Body over mind

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As I sit hunched over my laptop, I feel the skin of my stomach being indented by the elastic of my too-short shorts. My breasts form little creases with the top of my torso and all I can think is how much I don’t want to focus on my body. My body doesn’t feel as it used to when I worked out. And I am not only talking about the lost firmness, but I had more energy and more strength. I could walk for long distances without feeling as though someone was pulling on my hamstring. I didn’t need to bend over and contort my back while standing on a packed train for too long. I tug at my overgrown sleeping shirt so that it stretches over my knees as I sit Indian style on my bed. Typing away, my lower back begins to get weary and with one hand on the other wrist, I raise my hands over my head and stretch up and then to the left and right. I think to myself, that maybe if I laid on my stomach this pressure on my lower back would cease, but I am wrong. As soon as I turn onto my stomach, I feel the weight of my body take a toll on my elbows, my spine feeling like that of a compressed cobra. After about 5 minutes of my backbone sandwich, I roll the upper half of my body so that I can sit on my feet. I reach over to the economy size lotion bottle from the nightstand. I rub the cold cream on my calves to soften the little prickles of hair on my legs that get caught in the fleece fabric of the covers. I close my laptop and lay on my back, legs straight out, hands on my sides. My body imprints the ashy blue sheets. I close my eyes and the bright sun shines through the windows onto my eyelids. There is too much to write about.

Horizon

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You ever tried running to the horizon?
Your legs burning, your stomach churning with each step.
Tears streaming down your face, not of your sadness but from pure exhaustion.
And your heart, pounds.
The sun is just beyond your grasp and you reach towards it with your soul.
Only you find that you must continue stepping into the continuing dimming of the sun’s light.
You realize that you’re stuck in limbo of ever hailing want you.
And still you don’t want to stop, because it’s the warmth that you long for, fleeing from the dark emptiness behind you.