Category: Performing

HERE WE ARE…But why are you here?

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Yesterday evening I went to see the Judith Malina play, “Here We Are” at The Living Theatre.  In all honesty, I cannot give you a full rundown.  After leaving from the gym all I really wanted to do was lay in bed and not think.  I thought that sitting for a play would be a breeze. Instead I was denied the ability to stare blankly at a stage, bedazzled by lights and language.  Though I was thoroughly entertained, the nature of the play forced me to be a part of it.  At one point, ensemble members pulled audience members from the circle in the round setting, offering materials to make sandals with laces of yarn.  It was fun, but it was definitely a play that asked me to think and get involved.  “Here We Are” asked the audience “why are you here,” directing us to work together in for the sake of prosperity, regardless of our differences in opinion.

Aside from the message of unity, the play also made me think of the phrase that “he stands for nothing will fall for anything.”  Although we have to work collectively, we need to form our own opinions and actively believe in something and get involved within our individual lives.  It’s so easy to live life without really living; to live just to survive for the next day, following blindly.  But to really live, we have to stand for something and never falter.  Even when things are difficult or if someone says we will never succeed or we are lead astray from our path towards our goal, we have to find the strength and courage to refocus and move forward.

I strive to be good and positive, all the while my faults and mistakes are brought to light.  I strive to learn more and to grow all the while realizing how much I really do not know and how much deeper I have to go in order to spring new life and inspiration to my daily life.  To be better than I am is a simplistic idea, but it is this line of thought that motivates me. I guess simplicity was also in the directive of the play.  Because something so simple as making sandals teaches us how to work together. Something so simple as being better and learning continually is the undercurrent of things so much greater. Every goal I set asks me to work towards achieving things I couldn’t have done before.

What is it that makes you continually strive towards an aim, regardless of how many times you fall or how many times you’re told what you’re striving for is impossible?  Is it a money motivation?  Is it to create?  Is it happiness?  Is it Love?  Is it just to show everyone that you’re stronger than they think? Because if you aren’t striving for something, why are you here?

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

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Everyday is a blessing.  The goal is to learn a new lesson everyday, regardless of how profound or simple.  Over the past four months I’ve learned a few things about myself and about what it is that I want out of life.  This spans from my professional life, to my hobbies and passions, including Love.

As some of you may know, I started taking guitar classes the last week of October, which was my way of reaching deeper into my need to create.  I started writing stories at the age of eight (don’t ask me what I was writing at that age) and I’ve always loved music and singing for just about as long.  Though I am no maestro, I think I’ve come a ways in these four months.  And since I didn’t know what to post today, I thought I would expose a different piece of me through my love for music and singing.

Here is my version of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”  In time, I hope that I will be able to post more than covers.  I have a few songs in the works and I hope that you’ll stick around to see them.  In the meantime, enjoy the cover. 🙂 ❤

2013 The Year of Conquering Fear

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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  Inconsistency is the death of progress and 2013 is to be a year of progress.  So consistency, here I come!

It’s the last day of January 2013 and I thought it would be a good time to assess this year’s goals.  I’ve had an entire month to get a feel of what 2013 is offering and commit to what I want it to be.  I will not say “2013 is my year,” but I will definitely say that 2013 will be a breakthrough year for me.  And, no it’s not because I will be turning 30!

I have labeled 2013 the year to CONQUER FEAR!  It’s said that fear is the fuel for every great acheivement that ever was, so 2013 is the time to be courageous and plan on acheiving those dreams that fear told me were unattainable.

My first fear-facing acheivement of 2013 had a running start, because I started taking guitar classes last October.  But on January 26th 2013, I performed my first guitar solo.  I down play it by making sure everyone knows how much I fumbled with singing and playing John Lennon’s “Imagine.” But it was honestly a great personal acheivement, because the three months of weekly learning sessions did not take away from facing my fear of getting on a stage and having all eyes on me.  As I continue to practice, I hope that I am continually inspired to write so that I can start writing and performing solo-worthy songs.

I’ve also decided that 2013 is the year to work on my issue with Trust.  Anyone who really knows me knows that instilling Trust from the start is a major issue of mine, which definitely stems from the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of.  But I’ve recently come to the revelation that sometimes Trust has to be given before it can be earned.  Regardless of how you try to prevent it, life will bring you pain.  Life will bring you disappointment.  But life will also bring you love.  Life will bring you everlasting friendships.  Life will bring you moments that will make a little (or a lot) of pain worth the risk.  Being suspicious and overly analytical will only beget further negative energy.  I’m working on being courageous enough to take on all that life has to bring with an open heart and mind.

Decide what you want from 2013.  Manifest it!  Face it!  Take it!  You are the only thing holding you back from facing your destiny.

Introducing "The Performing Walnut"

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As those who know me know, I am was a closet performer. Though I would burst out singing at random times and sing in the shower or my room, as well as acting out skits or friendly impersonations (hahaha), I still only did these things within my comfort zone. I wouldn’t sing too loud in public or act out in front of strangers (much), but now these random takes are not the only time one might hear or see me perform. I am currently taking acting as well as singing lessons to increase my ability to perform and at the very least make me better and give me the balls to show everyone what I’ve got!

I’ve been taking classes for about seven months now, and about 3 months of voice lessons and I have been loving it. Though when I’m instructed to sing a note, or act out a monologue in a certain way, I feel my brain do contortions in order to deliver the song, note or line the way instructed. But in all the time that I’ve been learning from my teachers, I have never felt the way I’ve felt this week.

This Sunday, I took my usual Sunday acting class with Jay Michaels and I delivered the monologue “Dance 10 Looks 3” from “THE CHORUS LINE.” In the monologue, Val is telling her story of why she felt she had to get plastic surgery in order to be a dancer on Broadway. After about five minutes of trying to deliver it as instructed, I got so frustrated tears started leaking from my eyes. I know five minutes sounds like a short time, but five minutes of saying the same 3 lines over and over again seems like forever when I’m trying to get a “scene” right. But Jay knew what he was doing in having me repeat, and repeat, and repeat those first few lines. He wanted to get the emotion of a jaded woman who wanted to basically spit in the face of those who she auditioned for, because it was people like them who made her have to change her image. In essence, I had to remove my preconceived notions of what the monologue was about. I simply took it as a funny story and tried to deliver it that way. What I learned from Sunday’s class, on a more real/personal level, is that as actor, one has to peel away the layers of their role in order to deliver that monologue as a real person, not as an image. The image is what the audience sees. An actor has to be the person. Sunday’s class was the hardest class I’ve ever experienced with Jay. The walnut was cracked Jay! Oyyyy, but I still love ya!

Today was my voice lesson with Mary Elizabeth MiCari, and again, it was a tough lesson. To me, singing is a lot like acting in my need to connect and invoke emotion from and through the song/monologue/scene. However, I think singing is more physical for me in that if I’m feeling tense then my voice is like a log, and boy oh boy did I feel tense today. Even certain warm ups felt like I was reaching for the highest mountain top with a bag of bricks on my back. But I got through it and again, I felt as though I was cleansed of my negative energies through the hour of concentration on breath. It’s almost like yoga for my soul.

In taking these lessons I hope that I have become better at what I used to just do for fun. I hope to grow in both skill and ambition. Since I started taking lessons, I’ve done one play, one reading and was featured in GENESIS REPERTORY’S season debut show “GEN 10.” There are more shows/plays to come, including a show featuring songs from THE AMERICAN SONGBOOK and a debut of my acting class at an Off-Off-Broadway location. I was made for performing. I just have to break out of my shell and give it all I got!!