You keep telling me that what I want is too big
You keep telling me that the words won’t come
There’s a stifling grip around my spirit, but still I fix my gaze
It doesn’t matter where I stand at this very moment or what I currently hold in my hand
My mind’s eye is set on site
And my heart’s open
There’s so much that I want
And it is only now that I have the courage to admit it
So I’m learning how to give to receive
I’m learning how to whole-heartedly believe, though things come slowly
Conscious of my hold, so as not to slip with my passionate grip
Because overbearing strength is not always the way
Feminine finesse and faithful patience are still acquiring traits
But as long as my hands can write
And as long and my heart can feel
I will write of love and dreams beyond loss
And I will write life and love into my dreams
Goals set forth, bearings implanted in my character and creativity
Reminding myself to no longer take for granted the queen in me
Still molding myself and my mind
So much more revealed in my constant kneading
And I am better than before
I am smarter than before
I love better than before
And all that I am is the foundation to all that will be
Category: Love
Don’t Worry. Be Happy.
It seems simple enough, but there are times when happiness is taken from you. Maybe purposefully or maybe by no one’s fault, directly. But once you go through emotional distress you almost feel as though you will not be able to recover the happiness you lost. You try to protect yourself from ever feeling that sort of pain again. But once you do this, you actually prolong the hurt and end up hurting yourself in other ways. If you do not confront the pain or the loss you cannot release it, and you give it more power over your present. You give it power over your future. You give it power over your mind, heart and soul.
I speak as if releasing pain is as easy as 1, 2, 3. I know it is not. It takes time. Some quicker than others, thankfully. Because I am not the most patient woman. But sometimes it takes LOTS of time. I get through it by understanding that the heart does what it does. It cannot be turned off with a switch. The release of a feeling takes time. But what we must do is be sure we keep our mind present. If we dwell on the past or the loss, the hurt is given more power than all of good we presently have in our lives. Boundaries are built stronger and makes it harder for the good to re-enter our hearts and lives. On some days it will be so much harder to push through and we will feel as though we should revert to fear. But we have to keep reminding ourselves that “this too shall pass” and what we want (happiness) will prevail in our lives.
I’ve only JUST realized this and made the decision to refuse to let anything hold me in that negative space for long. I do not deny my humanity. I feel pain. But it was through facing this pain and working to conquer it with Love, that I learned invaluable lessons. Patience. Faith. Positivity. Most of all, I’ve learned that Love is the core of all things good. So I do my best to infuse Love into everything I do. I’m sure I’ve failed more times than I have succeeded by getting angry, stressed, annoyed and many other negative feelings. But I will not give up on Love. It is the inspirer of all things good.
My trick is an oldie but goodie. Work on building your mind one day at a time. Your mind is the more powerful that you probably allow it to be. But once you change your thoughts, you can change how you feel. You will end up changing the way you do things day to day.
So, be conscious. Find something that you love and do it. Set a goal. Find new things to learn and get into. Workout. Write about what you feel. Sing. Create. Go to the park. Appreciate the little things. Write down what you are grateful for everyday. Read.
Sometimes regaining happiness takes a lot of work. But in time, you’ll get it back, and you’ll be that much stronger for it.
My Favorite F Words
Sometimes the best lessons are not profound. What is real doesn’t always have to be “discovered.” Many times, what is most real is the constant within our lives. It is the seed planted within a child and the vine of knowledge that is nurtured in his/her growth. It is the subconscious.
Over the weekend I was able to spend time with family members I hadn’t seen in years. But even though it had been so long, the bond is still strong. In speaking with them, I further strengthened revelations I’ve had recently and have come to realize that all the things that seem new to me are things that I’ve been instilled with. To be independent and strong. To have Faith and to Love. To be honest and good. I was taught this at a young age and yet still, these lessons are learned and built upon everyday. We are given a FOUNDATION. Whether it is because we have been deprived of essential needs or given everything we could desire, FAMILY is what makes us. This weekend has brought further pride in my Love for my family. They are brilliant stars within my universe. They were my FRIENDS before I even knew the meaning of what a real friend was. They are the prototypes of all friends I’ve acquired and kept throughout my life. They keep me grounded.
It was simpler back then. Now we are all grown, some with kids and married. But now, we are able to further understand the Love we have for one another. Yes, we’re connected through Facebook and we can call each other on the phone, but nothing is like sitting down and talking face to face about what we’ve been through, what we’re going through and what we see further in our path.
Our childhood is not a discovery. While going after our dream and maintaining stability within ourselves in everyday life, we forget and remember while building and meeting new people. The memories and lessons learned when we are young and impressionable are gems that illuminate our current vision of the type of mother/ father/ friend/ lover we will be. It is the foundation to all things that is and will be. And sometimes we must revisit these times and these bonds to strengthen and marvel at what has been built.
Benevolence… a worthy attainment
I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries lately on inspirational people. From Martin Luther King Jr. to Gandhi and Bob Marley. The thing that was so inspiring about all of these people was their capacity to give. It was their capacity to Love and believe in something greater than themselves. It was to do something good and selflessly sacrifice, with the only reward of knowledge that what they were doing was right. But it is said that the only way to be happy is to give.
Everyone knows by his music that Bob Marley was politically and socially conscious, but I’m not sure that everyone knows just how much he gave of himself for the good of his country and for the good of human kind in general. I never knew just how much he gave. Not only did he give benefit concerts and speak out on injustice and on his belief in unity, but he kept the doors open to his home and put his life in danger multiple times for the sake of his work and what he considered his purpose. If everyone did their part and opened their hearts and minds even a fraction of that, imagine where we would actually be? Seeing someone be so selfless in such a way, you wonder what it is that you can do in this time and place, to do your part.
Anyone who has ever inspired a great movement was one who gave so much of themselves that they inspire others to give. But I’ve wondered many times as to the strength in my own beliefs and as to what I would give to uphold those beliefs. If I lived in 1963 would I have marched with Dr. King? If I was in Bob’s shoes, would I have still went up on stage after being shot, knowing there was a possibility that I could be killed on stage? But I do not live in 1963 and I am not Bob Marley. I am me and I live in Brooklyn in 2013. As of now, I see positivity as my only weapon. My words and my mind are my strengths.
Currently, I am looking for a volunteer opportunity to work with children and I wonder if it will hinder me with all of the goals I’ve set forth for myself. But what is a few hours out of the week to do something that benefits someone less fortunate/ experienced/ knowledgable? My good friend, Randy Griffiths is a successful trainer in the NYC metro area and owner of BBR (Body By Randy) Fitness. He works incessantly, yet he donates his time and expertise once a week (9am, Saturday morning at the East River Park on East 6th St. and FDR Drive) to run a bootcamp. He only accepts donations for this hour of training, because whatever is donated over the span of the bootcamp is put towards “Pencils for Kids,” an educational foundation aided for benefit kids in Jamaica. It’s his way of giving back. It’s a way for him to allow participants to do good for others, with the added incentive of doing something good for themselves and their health. It’s genius and selfless and inspirational.
What is it that you do that is selfless? Is benevolence a virtue you strive to attain? Is knowing someone benefitted from your gesture enough payment? Is karma enough? Would you keep it simple, or start a movement? There are so much going on in the world. How are you going to “give back?”
I’ve recorded a cover of Bob Marley’s “Redemption Song,” for this post because I believe that every day is another day to redeem ourselves for anything that we lacked before. We can start today with releasing instilled negativity (racism, bigotry, greed, sexism, etc.) and accepting and projecting positivity into the world. Each generation has an opportunity to continue to build from the previous generation’s good deeds. Every generation has an opportunity to rethink the bad deeds of the previous and work towards fixing what’s been broken or askew. Whether you want to promote education and self-esteem in young kids, give time at a nursing home or just simply wake-up everyday with an open heart and mind. Everyday is a day to do something good.
If you’re stumped for an idea, come to the East River Park at 9am on Saturday, donate to “Pencils for Kids” and workout with a group of equally positive people! You can visit http://www.bbrfitness.com/about.html to get a better look at the trainer and his unique approach to his craft.
Enjoy!
Evolution!
I fully believe that keeping a positive outlook will help manifest positivity within your life. But things change in our life situations daily that are not under our control (especially due to the variable of other people). I used to shun change because of the feeling of powerlessness to change. But I realize that I must embrace change to get where I’m trying to go. Logically, if I want to go anywhere there must be change. So I’ve come to terms with its inevitablity and realized that with the goals I’ve set, how I deal with change is what will reveal my true character and it’s strength, which will ultimately determine my success.
A recent conversation with a friend brought about thoughts on value of self, the value of our work and the opportunities we are given to grow. With trying to attain something he’s wanted for such a long time, he faced an opportunity to “get his foot in the door.” It was a starting point to work in his field, within a different industry. However, the terms that were given for his contract made him question as to whether taking this opportunity was bending to the point where he was devaluing his work and how far he has come and grown with his talent. This was another lesson on change for me.
We have to constantly be aware of how far we have come and of our current situation in order to further our vision and path. Though situations and relationships, just as we tend to change over time, it is very important that we always choose to EVOLVE. To evolve is to change for the better. It is to grow more powerful in our own right with experience and time, along with consistent, conscious, positive thought. Yes, we me must adjust and bend at times to attain what it is we want, but we must always be forward-thinking. We must evolve and build upon that knowledge of how we’ve evolved within change. We must be conscious of how far we bend and compromise so as not to break or destroy any part of the foundation we have already built. We must remember that our self-image, self-worth and values are our foundation. And that though change is inevitable, we can only evolve if we make a conscious decision as to how we change. We must build on the groundwork we’ve planted all our lives. If today is the first day you lay a brick, it’s a starting point. Move forward from here. Evolve.
Faith
It is said that as humans, we are negative by nature. I only just realized I was not as positive of a person as I thought I was because nine out of ten times you will see me with a smile on my face, and nine out of ten times I will be the one to encourage you in whatever endeavour you are pursuing. But when it came to my own pursuits, I used to worry about what the outcome would be and would think of this as being “realistic,” because I would think of all of the outcomes of a situation, good and bad. I didn’t realize that this didn’t allow me to set higher goals, and that this was in fact subconsciously deterring me from whole-heartedly pursuing anything. Every test, every event of significance, every relationship, would be analyzed to the point of stress. And if I actually set a goal, I would stress about when I would get what it is I was trying to achieve. Depending in my emotional investment in the event, I would sometimes even lose sleep over it.
Obviously, that is no way to live. So, I’ve been building on my positive outlook. This has not been easy, as I do live in the land of cynics. I was even proud of being a cynic. And not to further enforce the stereotype of the “typical New Yorker,” but I LOVE cynicism! But in building, I’ve realized that there is a thin line between cynicism and negativity. Some may even say there are no differences between the two. So I teeter with my love of this type of comedy and climbing out of the abyss of a negative mind.
Everyday I interact with people who complain and worry about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. This environment makes it difficult to keep a complete positive outlook. So many people walk around jaded by their own experience, whether it be envy, resentment, anger, selfishness, mistrust, etc. It’s with this knowledge and forcing myself to be conscious of how I approach certain situations that I have recently gotten to a place where I felt as though I didn’t feel a thing. Worry wasn’t my underlying feeling from day-to-day. I felt that anything that I wanted would come to fruition. And it was in this feeling of certainty that I truly understood what having Faith was. I used to think that Faith was just a mindset, but it is actually a state of being within your mind, heart and soul. And the soul is at a place where, if it’s grounded enough in Faith, it cannot be shaken by any negativity. I have gotten to a point where I truly believe that I will not only attain all that I need, but all that it is I want. And it is with this state of being that I move forward.
There are of course other things that I’ve been working on achieving with this new mindset, but continuing with unwavering Faith and the determination to spreading positivity and Love is the highest goal. This is the underlying current. This is the starting point.
Give Love
You’ve heard the phrase: What doesn’t kill you make you stronger! But I think many people interpret the phrase: “What doesn’t kill you makes you harder.” We tend to allow circumstances to change us for the worse and make us bitter instead of giving insight to our own minds and hearts. Because every situation, whether good or bad, allows us not only to see how people within the world moves, but also allows us to see ourselves clearer and allows us to become better.
This is why I decided on the name “LiberTeeLove.” It is exactly what it sounds like. I recognized around the time I wrote the song below, that I withheld Love. I feared Love and decided on “LiberTeeLove” to remind myself to be more open to life. As I get older I realize there is no merit in withholding Love and positivity. One of our greatest achievements is our vast capability to Love. Love is the inspirer of all things and I want to inspire goodness. I want to be inspired by goodness. I know people who believe that there isn’t much goodness within the world. But regardless of the Love that another withholds or the Love I show, I will always be me. Nothing will change that. My mother said that I will always find my self in positions where I am not fully appreciated because of this. She is right. I am a bit naive in that sense and I’ve been disappointed many times, but I cannot be any other way. I will always show Love regardless of disappointment within a situation. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to a sort of peace with that knowledge.
Not everyone thinks in the way I do. Not everyone Loves the way I do. Some may think of me as stupid for this. But to Love is to believe in the Truth of my own makeup. Through Love I thrive. I recently told a close friend of mine that it’s a gift and a curse. His response: “I think it’s more of a gift.” (LOVE HIM!) With that phrase he confirmed my belief that the way I Love is where a big portion of my beauty comes from. He sees that. And it’s those relationships and moments that inspire me to continue loving and expressing how I feel to those I Love.
With all of that said, I am guilty of hurting and I am guilty of not fully appreciating the Love someone had to give because of my own fear. But experience has expanded my mind and view. I am not perfect. I am human. It’s easy to get drawn back into a fearful way of thinking and being, which is a big reason why I post. Not only do I want to inspire others to look into their own hearts and minds, but I also need to remind myself of why I’m here. “LOVE INSPIRES ALL THINGS, SO INSPIRE LOVE.” So, I will express what it is I feel until I feel another way. My heart is big and bold and resilient. Because even in the face of doubt and pain one should choose to Give Love and acknowledge Love in any way one can.
I really hope you enjoy the song and hope that it inspires you to BE POSITIVE even when you’ve been hurt. I can’t believe it’s been five years since I wrote it, but I think the words are still powerful and will resonate with some. Express positivity instead of bitterness. Love wholly.
Thanks again for all of your support!
Give Love
You did what you could to make me fall
And you did what you could to make me not care at all
But although I was easily deceived
Your lies will not make me cease to believe
That all people aren’t dirty
True no one is clean
And though you hurt my faith in humanity
I will not rip off my sleeves
I will give love
I will give love
Cause my heart was made to last
My heart can never forget the past
‘Cause I grow stronger with all that I achieve
So in spite of you I will not rip off my sleeves
I must admit for a while I was broken
Wondering if there was any point in hoping
And though sometimes I do recede
I know life happens to everyone and so I believe
I will give love
I will give love
You did shake me
But you won’t break me
‘Cause my heart was made to last
And so what my heart can never forget the past
‘Cause I grow stronger with all that I achieve
So in spite of you I will not rip off my sleeves
I will give love
I will give love
I will give love
I will give love
You did shake me
But you won’t no you can’t break me
Perception
I’ve always been fascinated with this concept. (You probably realized this from the title of this blog). There is the saying that there are always three sides to a story; side A, side B and the Truth. But perception stretches far, wide and deep. With ongoing self-discovery my own view of myself changes. It is the most important feeling or thought that one can have. How do you view yorself? Once you discover this you will then have to decide how you will make your mark in the world…if any.
My father is half black, half Chinese. My mother is a mixture of Dutch, Black, “Amerindian,” and who knows what else. My hair is natural. I have pigment to my skin. I am woman. The world views me as a black woman. I will always be who I am in essense, regardless of how I am viewed by someone else. I will be who I am regardless of how I am viewed by myself (which is all that ultimately matters in my world, being a Leo..so they say). My life and my life’s view is my own.
I think I’m slowly but surely internalizing that concept. My words, my thoughts, my feelings are all my own, and are all under my control. My world is created by my perception of the world around me and my perception of my place in the world. But with that said, and although I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of perception, it was with recent conversations with a few friends of many years that I realized that even in my closest relationships and my daily routine, perception plays such a big role because of the perception of each interaction. I guess this is why so many people are concerned with their image; and I wonder if I have been hurting myself by putting less emphasis on how I am viewed by others and more in how I’m viewed by myself. Now, don’t let this statement confuse you in thinking I am not concerned about the views of others. I am! But in my daily interactions I am more concerned with the moment and not what I want the moment to be or mean, so I tend to miss how the other person may interpret the moment, in the moment. I guess you can say I can’t see the forest for the trees.
With all of this said, my perception is ever-changing and I think for the better. I am starting to put more emphasis on thinking that things will work out for the best and that I am what I think. I’m working on being more conscious and more hopeful that what I interpret the moment to mean is equally felt and thought by all participants. Especially since my world is a manifestation of what my mind produces and I am doing my best to think in Love and think Positive. I’m working on focusing on the energy that surrounds me because although I have my own mind and my own thoughts, what I surround myself with is what I will become. I’m working on emitting positivity in everyday life, because we do not live in a perfect world. So whatever I put into the world matters (with all of the negative we are being fed by media, subliminally and overtly). I do this because I hope that my perception will have an affect on the universe in some way. Positivity and Love; that is all I want to create.
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
Everyday is a blessing. The goal is to learn a new lesson everyday, regardless of how profound or simple. Over the past four months I’ve learned a few things about myself and about what it is that I want out of life. This spans from my professional life, to my hobbies and passions, including Love.
As some of you may know, I started taking guitar classes the last week of October, which was my way of reaching deeper into my need to create. I started writing stories at the age of eight (don’t ask me what I was writing at that age) and I’ve always loved music and singing for just about as long. Though I am no maestro, I think I’ve come a ways in these four months. And since I didn’t know what to post today, I thought I would expose a different piece of me through my love for music and singing.
Here is my version of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” In time, I hope that I will be able to post more than covers. I have a few songs in the works and I hope that you’ll stick around to see them. In the meantime, enjoy the cover. 🙂 ❤
Where is the Love?
I’ve been trying to stay consistent by posting every 3-4 days, sharing my thoughts and hoping to get some of yours. So today…post date!
I hope everyone has had a wonderful LOVE DAY! I’ve been asking friends for a few days on a good “Love” topic. The best comment/ suggestion I got was “speak from the heart/ hablar desde el corazon.” (Two friends, two languages. Lol.)
I started drafting a post Tuesday night on what I believed “True Love” to be within a relationship between a man and woman. I woke up this morning and started editing to post it as soon as I could. But throughout the morning, I noticed a lot of posts on Facebook and Instagram that were the total opposite of what I think this day means. So I had to change it up. What better thing to speak of today than the day itself and what it has always meant to me?
Even as an adolescent I believed Valentine’s Day to be a day to just EXPRESS LOVE. Now, I do understand some hate it because it’s totally commercialized. But Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s are commercialized holidays and they get way more Love than the national holiday of Love. Why is that? I wondered, did everyone have the same belief as a kid? If so, where did this belief go? Is Love so absent in our everyday life that we have to feel insecure if we aren’t in a relationship? Are we so jaded that even if we are in a relationship we have to talk down to those who aren’t? When has showing Love EVER been a bad thing? Getting texts, cards and candy from spouses, friends and parents are sweet little gestures that inspire nothing but good. I wonder if it is that purity that has been forgotten, which makes this day that is supposed to be all about Love, more about bitterness and negativity?
Thoughts?
I also wanted to be sure that today of all days I show appreciation to those who have read, commented and/ or liked my page on both the blog and my IG. Thanks for showing Love.
Remember, Love inspires all things. So inspire Love! ♥
LiberTeeLove 