Category: Life

Spring Forward

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It’s been a couple weeks since we’ve “sprung forward,” and though the cold is still nipping at our heels, Spring is here and we are slowly feeling her presence in New York City.  The sun is still shining when I leave work in the evening and when I wake up in the morning the birds are still chirping, regardless of the 25 degree weather and the snow on the grown.  And though it may sounds cheesy, I can’t help but compare this change of season to my current spiritual growth and consciousness.

As a lot of you may know, I’ve been working on changing the way I think.  I used to think of myself as a positive person, but I would worry about the outcome of everything, thinking of the good and bad outcomes.  I thought of that as being practical and realistic because…life happens!  But in thinking this way, I never realized that I was actually reinforcing any negative outcome by simply putting thought into it.  And though I didn’t outright tell myself that I couldn’t do something, I’m sure that subconsciously I discouraged myself from taking risks and working whole-heartedly towards any dream I had ever conjured.   Now I emphasize on the positivity within any situation.  In keeping my thoughts positive, dreams that were once unreachable are now acquirable goals and aspirations.

Now with my focus on thinking positive I’ve also been more conscious of the energy around me.  I try my best to encourage those around me to focus on the positivity of the moment and even more so, to not dwell on negativity.  It’s so easy to get caught up on the hectic morning commute or on how far away you are from a goal that we forget to be thankful that we made it safely to our destination, or how far we’ve come on our path towards our goal.

Life moves in seasons and we have to go through the cold of winter to get to the buds of spring.  We go through droughts and floods, from cold and stagnant moments to times where things are so “hot” we forget to see our blessings in the grind.  Take a moment everyday to think of all of the blessings you received the previously.  Be conscious of the fact that even though you’re still working towards a dream, you’re so much further than you were.  Be thankful for your talents and ambition!  Encourage those around you to be positive and for those who are hell-bent on being caught up in negativity, I say “SPRING CLEANING!”

The energy that surrounds you is where you will dwell.  If you find that there are people in your life who do nothing for your spirit, mind or heart, there is no need to make a point to spend your energy on them.  The energy of the people you spend the most time with and those who you speak with on a regular basis are who you are and it is critical to your life’s path.  Decide where you want to be and SPRING FORWARD into creating that world for yourself!

In trying to be consistent with this blog, I grow weary of redundancy.  But I can’t help but dwell with my furthering consciousness of the energy within and without.   At times we lose sight of who finds their way in our circle especially with social networking.  But this also allows me to observe that even the most successful and seemingly confident people are drawn into negative ways of thinking and boost themselves up by putting others down.  The grass is always greener on the other side, but it probably isn’t easy even when you’re on top.  But in your journey, don’t forget where you where you’ve been.  As your life blossoms, give life to all of those around you.  Being consistently positive–that’s as forward-thinking as one can get.  Be the inspiration and motivation.

Perception

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I’ve always been fascinated with this concept. (You probably realized this from the title of this blog). There is the saying that there are always three sides to a story; side A, side B and the Truth. But perception stretches far, wide and deep. With ongoing self-discovery my own view of myself changes. It is the most important feeling or thought that one can have. How do you view yorself? Once you discover this you will then have to decide how you will make your mark in the world…if any.

My father is half black, half Chinese. My mother is a mixture of Dutch, Black, “Amerindian,” and who knows what else. My hair is natural. I have pigment to my skin. I am woman. The world views me as a black woman. I will always be who I am in essense, regardless of how I am viewed by someone else. I will be who I am regardless of how I am viewed by myself (which is all that ultimately matters in my world, being a Leo..so they say). My life and my life’s view is my own.

I think I’m slowly but surely internalizing that concept.  My words, my thoughts, my feelings are all my own, and are all under my control. My world is created by my perception of the world around me and my perception of my place in the world. But with that said, and although I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of perception, it was with recent conversations with a few friends of many years that I realized that even in my closest relationships and my daily routine, perception plays such a big role because of the perception of each interaction. I guess this is why so many people are concerned with their image; and I wonder if I have been hurting myself by putting less emphasis on how I am viewed by others and more in how I’m viewed by myself. Now, don’t let this statement confuse you in thinking I am not concerned about the views of others. I am! But in my daily interactions I am more concerned with the moment and not what I want the moment to be or mean, so I tend to miss how the other person may interpret the moment, in the moment.  I guess you can say I can’t see the forest for the trees.

With all of this said, my perception is ever-changing and I think for the better. I am starting to put more emphasis on thinking that things will work out for the best and that I am what I think.  I’m working on being more conscious and more hopeful that what I interpret the moment to mean is equally felt and thought by all participants.  Especially since my world is a manifestation of what my mind produces and I am doing my best to think in Love and think Positive.  I’m working on focusing on the energy that surrounds me because although I have my own mind and my own thoughts, what I surround myself with is what I will become.  I’m working on emitting positivity in everyday life, because we do not live in a perfect world.  So whatever I put into the world matters (with all of the negative we are being fed by media, subliminally and overtly).  I do this because I hope that my perception will have an affect on the universe in some way.  Positivity and Love;  that is all I want to create.

Allowing Ourselves the Freedom to Desire

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Many may not have taken the time out to think of what it is that truly makes them happy.  Some may even think that they don’t deserve what it is they want or that they don’t have what it takes to reach a set goal.  Others may not want to truly admit what it is that they desire for fear of judgment or fear that they will never get what they want. But making such an admission gives a sort of freedom within a world of many restrictions.  I think Bob Marley said it best when he said “emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.”  Of course he was speaking to a specific demographic about specific issues, but our minds are the keys to achieve all that we desire.  There are no limits, except for the limits we give ourselves.

An inhibition is “something that forbids, debars, or restricts.”  “An inner impediment to free activity, expression, or functioning as a mental process imposing restraint upon behavior or another mental process (as a desire).”  It is a figment of our imagination.  Where and how do we develop these inhibitions? How can we break free to get what it is that we truly desire?  Once we take the time out to decide what it is that we want out of life and dedicate ourselves to achieving that goal, nothing will stand in our way.  A desire fueled by enough passion and dedication will allow one to enjoy the  journey just as much as the destination.

So do yourself a favor and ask yourself “what is it that I truly desire?”  You may be surprised by what you can actually get.

HERE WE ARE…But why are you here?

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Yesterday evening I went to see the Judith Malina play, “Here We Are” at The Living Theatre.  In all honesty, I cannot give you a full rundown.  After leaving from the gym all I really wanted to do was lay in bed and not think.  I thought that sitting for a play would be a breeze. Instead I was denied the ability to stare blankly at a stage, bedazzled by lights and language.  Though I was thoroughly entertained, the nature of the play forced me to be a part of it.  At one point, ensemble members pulled audience members from the circle in the round setting, offering materials to make sandals with laces of yarn.  It was fun, but it was definitely a play that asked me to think and get involved.  “Here We Are” asked the audience “why are you here,” directing us to work together in for the sake of prosperity, regardless of our differences in opinion.

Aside from the message of unity, the play also made me think of the phrase that “he stands for nothing will fall for anything.”  Although we have to work collectively, we need to form our own opinions and actively believe in something and get involved within our individual lives.  It’s so easy to live life without really living; to live just to survive for the next day, following blindly.  But to really live, we have to stand for something and never falter.  Even when things are difficult or if someone says we will never succeed or we are lead astray from our path towards our goal, we have to find the strength and courage to refocus and move forward.

I strive to be good and positive, all the while my faults and mistakes are brought to light.  I strive to learn more and to grow all the while realizing how much I really do not know and how much deeper I have to go in order to spring new life and inspiration to my daily life.  To be better than I am is a simplistic idea, but it is this line of thought that motivates me. I guess simplicity was also in the directive of the play.  Because something so simple as making sandals teaches us how to work together. Something so simple as being better and learning continually is the undercurrent of things so much greater. Every goal I set asks me to work towards achieving things I couldn’t have done before.

What is it that makes you continually strive towards an aim, regardless of how many times you fall or how many times you’re told what you’re striving for is impossible?  Is it a money motivation?  Is it to create?  Is it happiness?  Is it Love?  Is it just to show everyone that you’re stronger than they think? Because if you aren’t striving for something, why are you here?

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

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Everyday is a blessing.  The goal is to learn a new lesson everyday, regardless of how profound or simple.  Over the past four months I’ve learned a few things about myself and about what it is that I want out of life.  This spans from my professional life, to my hobbies and passions, including Love.

As some of you may know, I started taking guitar classes the last week of October, which was my way of reaching deeper into my need to create.  I started writing stories at the age of eight (don’t ask me what I was writing at that age) and I’ve always loved music and singing for just about as long.  Though I am no maestro, I think I’ve come a ways in these four months.  And since I didn’t know what to post today, I thought I would expose a different piece of me through my love for music and singing.

Here is my version of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”  In time, I hope that I will be able to post more than covers.  I have a few songs in the works and I hope that you’ll stick around to see them.  In the meantime, enjoy the cover. 🙂 ❤

Everything Happens for a Reason?

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I’ve gotten perspective from a few minds that I respect and the answer varies.  Some say “yes.”  Some say “no.”  Some say “it does to a degree.”   Some just said, “I don’t know.”

This subject is so complex, because our lives are so complex.  So much happens in the span of a day for us to deliniate each happenstance as a means or an end.  Is it broken down to who we meet each day?  Each dream? Every conversation?  Every feeling?  Or is it only when something that we deem as significant happens, that every event leading up to that moment happened soley for the purpose of that moment, that reason?

This post is all questions and no answers because I don’t know myself.  I don’t think that anyone really knows.  It’s all about belief.  I’d go so far as to say it’s all about Faith or even Fate.  To believe that everything happens for a reason, you’d have to believe in being at the right place at the right time.  You might even have to believe in being at the wrong place at the right time.  “It all happens for a reason.”

What do you believe?

Compromise: The Unequal 50/50

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A quick online look-up of the word “compromise” states:

  • to bind by bargain or agreement.
  • to bring to terms.
  • a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.
  • something intermediate between different things

When I was younger I thought that a compromise was when two people “met in the middle” and there was a clear 50/50 draw in a situation. But I’ve come to realize that isn’t always the case.  In every relationship there is compromise, but in any given situation throughout the relationship one person may give more than the other.

My mother said “the woman is always the one to give and sacrifice more in any relationship.” Of course, this is difficult for me to accept. Though my mother and I are extremely close, we don’t always agree. I had to get second and third opinions, male and female. Unfortunately, the second and third agreed with mom. Apparently, we women have to compromise for the sake of our man’s ego, as it’s natural for the man to be the alpha in the relationship, aka the head of the house. But when is it too much? I love to give and nurture, but I never want to feel like I’m the only one tending to the garden. How much do you give before you feel as though instead, you’re compromising yourself within the relationship?

I have yet to accept that I will have to give and compromise more than my partner because of the “nature of things.” I will keep hope alive, because I never want to feel as though everything is a sacrifice “in the name of love.” Granted, the give and take are all about the perception of each person. Each person weighs their own contribution and what they get from the relationship differently. A relationship might work because one person thrives by giving while their partner accepts willingly (not everyone is comfortable with always accepting).

Compromise is about finding that balance between two people who make a relationship work. My vision of a relationship is one where I feel as though I’m getting as much as I’m giving. I may even go far enough to say, my vision of a relationship is one where I never feel as though I can give enough because of all that I gain from it on any given level.

The real questions is: How much can/will you give to make it work?

On that note…enjoy Teddy P. What can I say, I’m a romantic. 🙂

2013 The Year of Conquering Fear

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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  Inconsistency is the death of progress and 2013 is to be a year of progress.  So consistency, here I come!

It’s the last day of January 2013 and I thought it would be a good time to assess this year’s goals.  I’ve had an entire month to get a feel of what 2013 is offering and commit to what I want it to be.  I will not say “2013 is my year,” but I will definitely say that 2013 will be a breakthrough year for me.  And, no it’s not because I will be turning 30!

I have labeled 2013 the year to CONQUER FEAR!  It’s said that fear is the fuel for every great acheivement that ever was, so 2013 is the time to be courageous and plan on acheiving those dreams that fear told me were unattainable.

My first fear-facing acheivement of 2013 had a running start, because I started taking guitar classes last October.  But on January 26th 2013, I performed my first guitar solo.  I down play it by making sure everyone knows how much I fumbled with singing and playing John Lennon’s “Imagine.” But it was honestly a great personal acheivement, because the three months of weekly learning sessions did not take away from facing my fear of getting on a stage and having all eyes on me.  As I continue to practice, I hope that I am continually inspired to write so that I can start writing and performing solo-worthy songs.

I’ve also decided that 2013 is the year to work on my issue with Trust.  Anyone who really knows me knows that instilling Trust from the start is a major issue of mine, which definitely stems from the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of.  But I’ve recently come to the revelation that sometimes Trust has to be given before it can be earned.  Regardless of how you try to prevent it, life will bring you pain.  Life will bring you disappointment.  But life will also bring you love.  Life will bring you everlasting friendships.  Life will bring you moments that will make a little (or a lot) of pain worth the risk.  Being suspicious and overly analytical will only beget further negative energy.  I’m working on being courageous enough to take on all that life has to bring with an open heart and mind.

Decide what you want from 2013.  Manifest it!  Face it!  Take it!  You are the only thing holding you back from facing your destiny.

DON'T EVEN THINK OF LOOKING MY WAY!!

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I was on the train today and locked eyes with this young girl. No, I’m not about to go into a homosexual fantasy, I wanted to get into the topic of this simple act of looking at someone; this act that to a lot of people mean that you are insulting or inviting them in some way. What is up with that? I said “Good Morning” to release the tension, but she just shook her head. What that meant, I have no idea, but it made me think of where this unwritten offense was born and why.

I’ve thought about this before, as I’ve had a lady yell at me and ask “What are you looking at” because of a simple observation (I know you’re thinking I was staring her down and squinting my eyes or something crazy, but I just love to observe). My eyes roam around on my 45 minute ride to work and obviously there are others like me who do the same, which is why I catch the eye of another. But why does it give a woman the impression that I’m trying to challenge her? And on the flip side, why does it give men the impression that I’m inviting a man to ask for my name number and sign? Can’t we just be cordial to one another, as we are all living in the same city, and riding the same train?

Let me hear what you have to say about this topic.

Religious and Spiritual

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This past week, I had a conversation with a friend of mine on the issues of being “religious” and “spiritual.”  The dictionary shows that these two words are interchangeable, but I always thought of the two as different.  So I thought to pose the question to you readers as to if you feel there is a difference.

  • Do you think that being religious is different to being spiritual?
  • Which do you find more favorable and why?
  • Are there any benefits or hindrances to being either religious or spiritual?
  • What are the benefits and hindrances of either?

I just wanted to stir the pot a bit.