Category: Life

Finding Love in Adolescence

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I wrote this a few years ago, observing and imagining what it is to be a teenager and feel Love without fully understanding yourself, much less, understanding what it is to truly love another person. As a teenager/ child, we are bombarded with images of what Love really is. Sometimes even as adults we lack the consciousness to grasp what Love really means and how to give and receive Love. But Life is the best teacher there is. I hope you enjoy!

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She lies in his bed
He rolls over and kisses her
Though he says he’d rather have ambition
He does nothing but try to keep her

He’s blind, and she loves him blindly
Not conscious, so they’re vulnerable to each other’s faults
Defensiveness makes them love anxiously
And progression escapes them because there’s nothing besides the two

They love each other deeply
Together before they even wanted to know of love
Still, they don’t know each other or themselves enough
To show what that means or to build

He says he loves her, but fights to love himself
His life is complicated as other young men he knows
Uneducated, brainwashed to think he can’t be more
So, he’s unable to understand love as a selfless action

Each is incomplete because they’re
Angry at themselves and life
They feel as though they got the clam and not the pearl
No longer wondering of possibility, just pressured

So close, so they can’t see how they fit; that they fit
But he travels deeply, and she’s wide open
He doesn’t see that she really loves him, without understanding
And she can’t see that he uses her to cope, in Love

He doesn’t know where to begin, to survive and provide in this world
And he swears no one understands his difficulties
So he runs the streets
Because he knows she’ll always be faithful

She thinks that her hope is defeated
And her man should be her life’s plan
She sticks because loving him is the only thing she thinks she’s good at
But they still have a long way to understand what it is to love

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You keep telling me that what I want is too big
You keep telling me that the words won’t come
There’s a stifling grip around my spirit, but still I fix my gaze
It doesn’t matter where I stand at this very moment or what I currently hold in my hand
My mind’s eye is set on site
And my heart’s open
There’s so much that I want
And it is only now that I have the courage to admit it
So I’m learning how to give to receive
I’m learning how to whole-heartedly believe, though things come slowly
Conscious of my hold, so as not to slip with my passionate grip
Because overbearing strength is not always the way
Feminine finesse and faithful patience are still acquiring traits
But as long as my hands can write
And as long and my heart can feel
I will write of love and dreams beyond loss
And I will write life and love into my dreams
Goals set forth, bearings implanted in my character and creativity
Reminding myself to no longer take for granted the queen in me
Still molding myself and my mind
So much more revealed in my constant kneading
And I am better than before
I am smarter than before
I love better than before
And all that I am is the foundation to all that will be

Don’t Worry. Be Happy.

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It seems simple enough, but there are times when happiness is taken from you. Maybe purposefully or maybe by no one’s fault, directly. But once you go through emotional distress you almost feel as though you will not be able to recover the happiness you lost. You try to protect yourself from ever feeling that sort of pain again. But once you do this, you actually prolong the hurt and end up hurting yourself in other ways. If you do not confront the pain or the loss you cannot release it, and you give it more power over your present. You give it power over your future. You give it power over your mind, heart and soul.

I speak as if releasing pain is as easy as 1, 2, 3. I know it is not. It takes time. Some quicker than others, thankfully. Because I am not the most patient woman. But sometimes it takes LOTS of time. I get through it by understanding that the heart does what it does. It cannot be turned off with a switch. The release of a feeling takes time. But what we must do is be sure we keep our mind present. If we dwell on the past or the loss, the hurt is given more power than all of good we presently have in our lives. Boundaries are built stronger and makes it harder for the good to re-enter our hearts and lives. On some days it will be so much harder to push through and we will feel as though we should revert to fear. But we have to keep reminding ourselves that “this too shall pass” and what we want (happiness) will prevail in our lives.

I’ve only JUST realized this and made the decision to refuse to let anything hold me in that negative space for long.  I do not deny my humanity. I feel pain. But it was through facing this pain and working to conquer it with Love, that I learned invaluable lessons. Patience. Faith. Positivity. Most of all, I’ve learned that Love is the core of all things good. So I do my best to infuse Love into everything I do. I’m sure I’ve failed more times than I have succeeded by getting angry, stressed, annoyed and many other negative feelings. But I will not give up on Love. It is the inspirer of all things good.

My trick is an oldie but goodie. Work on building your mind one day at a time. Your mind is the more powerful that you probably allow it to be. But once you change your thoughts, you can change how you feel. You will end up changing the way you do things day to day.

So, be conscious. Find something that you love and do it. Set a goal. Find new things to learn and get into. Workout. Write about what you feel. Sing. Create. Go to the park. Appreciate the little things. Write down what you are grateful for everyday. Read.

Sometimes regaining happiness takes a lot of work. But in time, you’ll get it back, and you’ll be that much stronger for it.

My Favorite F Words

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Sometimes the best lessons are not profound. What is real doesn’t always have to be “discovered.” Many times, what is most real is the constant within our lives. It is the seed planted within a child and the vine of knowledge that is nurtured in his/her growth. It is the subconscious.

Over the weekend I was able to spend time with family members I hadn’t seen in years. But even though it had been so long, the bond is still strong. In speaking with them, I further strengthened revelations I’ve had recently and have come to realize that all the things that seem new to me are things that I’ve been instilled with. To be independent and strong. To have Faith and to Love. To be honest and good. I was taught this at a young age and yet still, these lessons are learned and built upon everyday. We are given a FOUNDATION. Whether it is because we have been deprived of essential needs or given everything we could desire, FAMILY is what makes us. This weekend has brought further pride in my Love for my family. They are brilliant stars within my universe. They were my FRIENDS before I even knew the meaning of what a real friend was. They are the prototypes of all friends I’ve acquired and kept throughout my life. They keep me grounded.

It was simpler back then. Now we are all grown, some with kids and married. But now, we are able to further understand the Love we have for one another. Yes, we’re connected through Facebook and we can call each other on the phone, but nothing is like sitting down and talking face to face about what we’ve been through, what we’re going through and what we see further in our path.

Our childhood is not a discovery. While going after our dream and maintaining stability within ourselves in everyday life, we forget and remember while building and meeting new people. The memories and lessons learned when we are young and impressionable are gems that illuminate our current vision of the type of mother/ father/ friend/ lover we will be. It is the foundation to all things that is and will be. And sometimes we must revisit these times and these bonds to strengthen and marvel at what has been built.

Benevolence… a worthy attainment

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I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries lately on inspirational people. From Martin Luther King Jr. to Gandhi and Bob Marley. The thing that was so inspiring about all of these people was their capacity to give. It was their capacity to Love and believe in something greater than themselves. It was to do something good and selflessly sacrifice, with the only reward of knowledge that what they were doing was right. But it is said that the only way to be happy is to give.

Everyone knows by his music that Bob Marley was politically and socially conscious, but I’m not sure that everyone knows just how much he gave of himself for the good of his country and for the good of human kind in general. I never knew just how much he gave. Not only did he give benefit concerts and speak out on injustice and on his belief in unity, but he kept the doors open to his home and put his life in danger multiple times for the sake of his work and what he considered his purpose. If everyone did their part and opened their hearts and minds even a fraction of that, imagine where we would actually be? Seeing someone be so selfless in such a way, you wonder what it is that you can do in this time and place, to do your part.

Anyone who has ever inspired a great movement was one who gave so much of themselves that they inspire others to give. But I’ve wondered many times as to the strength in my own beliefs and as to what I would give to uphold those beliefs. If I lived in 1963 would I have marched with Dr. King? If I was in Bob’s shoes, would I have still went up on stage after being shot, knowing there was a possibility that I could be killed on stage? But I do not live in 1963 and I am not Bob Marley. I am me and I live in Brooklyn in 2013. As of now, I see positivity as my only weapon. My words and my mind are my strengths.

Currently, I am looking for a volunteer opportunity to work with children and I wonder if it will hinder me with all of the goals I’ve set forth for myself. But what is a few hours out of the week to do something that benefits someone less fortunate/ experienced/ knowledgable? My good friend, Randy Griffiths is a successful trainer in the NYC metro area and owner of BBR (Body By Randy) Fitness. He works incessantly, yet he donates his time and expertise once a week (9am, Saturday morning at the East River Park on East 6th St. and FDR Drive) to run a bootcamp. He only accepts donations for this hour of training, because whatever is donated over the span of the bootcamp is put towards “Pencils for Kids,” an educational foundation aided for benefit kids in Jamaica. It’s his way of giving back. It’s a way for him to allow participants to do good for others, with the added incentive of doing something good for themselves and their health. It’s genius and selfless and inspirational.

What is it that you do that is selfless? Is benevolence a virtue you strive to attain? Is knowing someone benefitted from your gesture enough payment? Is karma enough? Would you keep it simple, or start a movement? There are so much going on in the world. How are you going to “give back?”

I’ve recorded a cover of Bob Marley’s “Redemption Song,” for this post because I believe that every day is another day to redeem ourselves for anything that we lacked before. We can start today with releasing instilled negativity (racism, bigotry, greed, sexism, etc.) and accepting and projecting positivity into the world. Each generation has an opportunity to continue to build from the previous generation’s good deeds. Every generation has an opportunity to rethink the bad deeds of the previous and work towards fixing what’s been broken or askew. Whether you want to promote education and self-esteem in young kids, give time at a nursing home or just simply wake-up everyday with an open heart and mind. Everyday is a day to do something good.

If you’re stumped for an idea, come to the East River Park at 9am on Saturday, donate to “Pencils for Kids” and workout with a group of equally positive people! You can visit http://www.bbrfitness.com/about.html to get a better look at the trainer and his unique approach to his craft.

Enjoy!

Balance

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I lack tact. It’s something I’ve known for a very long while, but it’s a skill I have yet to acquire. This should have been my first hint to the fact that I lack a sort of balance; but maybe the two aren’t really connected. But if I’m not being 100% real, I feel a sort of stirring in my chest. I figure if I’m not able to tell you straight out what I think or feel, then I might as well say nothing at all. And that isn’t totally a bad thing, but it gives light to the way I view a lot of things. To me everything is “black and white” in a sense; and this has proven to be an issue with how temperamental feelings can be. I either hold back to the point of stagnation or jump in head first with every bit of me. I have yet to fully wrap my head around the concept that life is a whole lot of grey. We have to find the shades that make our own the perfect piece.

Balance is the key. This comes down to romance, work, passion, hobbies, planning, spontaneity etc. We are human. We all choose our vices. We all choose our virtues. Some may be easier to get rid of or attain, respectively. We are raised to be, act and think a certain way. We are prone to negative thoughts and actions and we are each born with certain capabilities. We feel and react to anger and pain and whenever we feel any emotion within that spectrum we must decide to choose happiness and love. And though this is simplified, I just want to harp on how important it is that we are conscious of our thoughts and actions. It is easy to dwell in negativity as an underlying current. As humans, we are negative by nature and a string of negative thought may not even seem as such with the glorification of degradation instead of promotion of empowerment. (But that is another post).

This post is an “exercise,” on balance in a sense. You first have to know who you are. If you’re used to always planning, change something in your routine. Do something spontaneous. Do something you’d never thought you would do. Face a fear.  If you’re flying by the seat of your pants, develop a routine that is beneficial to your well-being. If you eat too much meat, add more vegetables to your diet. Be active. Read. Because life is about making things better. It’s being healthier, happier, stronger, smarter. It’s about finding peace within the madnessand finding the balance within your own groove.

Evolution!

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I fully believe that keeping a positive outlook will help manifest positivity within your life. But things change in our life situations daily that are not under our control (especially due to the variable of other people). I used to shun change because of the feeling of powerlessness to change.  But I realize that I must embrace change to get where I’m trying to go. Logically, if I want to go anywhere there must be change. So I’ve come to terms with its inevitablity and realized that with the goals I’ve set, how I deal with change is what will reveal my true character and it’s strength, which will ultimately determine my success.

A recent conversation with a friend brought about thoughts on value of self, the value of our work and the opportunities we are given to grow. With trying to attain something he’s wanted for such a long time, he faced an opportunity to “get his foot in the door.” It was a starting point to work in his field, within a different industry. However, the terms that were given for his contract made him question as to whether taking this opportunity was bending to the point where he was devaluing his work and how far he has come and grown with his talent. This was another lesson on change for me.

We have to constantly be aware of how far we have come and of our current situation in order to further our vision and path.  Though situations and relationships, just as we tend to change over time, it is very important that we always choose to EVOLVE.  To evolve is to change for the better.  It is to grow more powerful in our own right with experience and time, along with consistent, conscious, positive thought. Yes, we me must adjust and bend at times to attain what it is we want, but we must always be forward-thinking. We must evolve and build upon that knowledge of how we’ve evolved within change. We must be conscious of how far we bend and compromise so as not to break or destroy any part of the foundation we have already built. We must remember that our self-image, self-worth and values are our foundation. And that though change is inevitable, we can only evolve if we make a conscious decision as to how we change. We must build on the groundwork we’ve planted all our lives. If today is the first day you lay a brick, it’s a starting point. Move forward from here. Evolve.

Faith

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It is said that as humans, we are negative by nature. I only just realized I was not as positive of a person as I thought I was because nine out of ten times you will see me with a smile on my face, and nine out of ten times I will be the one to encourage you in whatever endeavour you are pursuing. But when it came to my own pursuits, I used to worry about what the outcome would be and would think of this as being “realistic,” because I would think of all of the outcomes of a situation, good and bad. I didn’t realize that this didn’t allow me to set higher goals, and that this was in fact subconsciously deterring me from whole-heartedly pursuing anything. Every test, every event of significance, every relationship, would be analyzed to the point of stress. And if I actually set a goal, I would stress about when I would get what it is I was trying to achieve. Depending in my emotional investment in the event, I would sometimes even lose sleep over it.

Obviously, that is no way to live. So, I’ve been building on my positive outlook. This has not been easy, as I do live in the land of cynics. I was even proud of being a cynic. And not to further enforce the stereotype of the “typical New Yorker,” but I LOVE cynicism! But in building, I’ve realized that there is a thin line between cynicism and negativity. Some may even say there are no differences between the two. So I teeter with my love of this type of comedy and climbing out of the abyss of a negative mind.

Everyday I interact with people who complain and worry about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. This environment makes it difficult to keep a complete positive outlook. So many people walk around jaded by their own experience, whether it be envy, resentment, anger, selfishness, mistrust, etc. It’s with this knowledge and forcing myself to be conscious of how I approach certain situations that I have recently gotten to a place where I felt as though I didn’t feel a thing. Worry wasn’t my underlying feeling from day-to-day. I felt that anything that I wanted would come to fruition. And it was in this feeling of certainty that I truly understood what having Faith was. I used to think that Faith was just a mindset, but it is actually a state of being within your mind, heart and soul. And the soul is at a place where, if it’s grounded enough in Faith, it cannot be shaken by any negativity. I have gotten to a point where I truly believe that I will not only attain all that I need, but all that it is I want. And it is with this state of being that I move forward.

There are of course other things that I’ve been working on achieving with this new mindset, but continuing with unwavering Faith and the determination to spreading positivity and Love is the highest goal. This is the underlying current. This is the starting point.

Perseverance

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Anyone who knows me knows that my biggest issue with writing is finishing.  Poems, stories, songs…any form you can name. Too many times I’ve stop writing and moved onto a different piece.  It is said that the only way to succeed in life is to persevere.  A piece of art is like a piece of life.  Throughout it’s creation there are ups and downs; moments when you’re totally inspired and moments when you have to force the words on the page.  It’s when you hit those low moments that you have to push through and continue writing. If you persevere through those moments, you will create something magnificent.

I love to write.  With the few stories and many poems I’ve finished, not only was it satisfying to write and complete a piece, but it was reworking and editing that gave me fulfillment.  I’ve lost many of them since, due to technological malfunctions (my heart is still a bit broken) and a time after then, I couldn’t write.  But I am a writer.  It’s even gratifying to edit and preview this blog repeatedly until it says just what I want it to say.  I write to produce pieces that I can go back to and re-read and still find Truth in it.  And though I’ve never really stopped writing since I was 8, I can’t say I’ve ever truly pursued it.  Because of this, I haven’t gotten very far with writing.  But I will not let that stop me from my current goal.  I’ve chosen to persevere.  I am a writer.

Regardless of what it is that you want to accomplish, as long as there is passion and Love, it will shine through in the end result in spite of the difficulties you faced throughout.  Maybe you’ve pursued things to this point that are worthy of you, and maybe you haven’t; but it’s never to late to go after what it is that you truly want.  Once you figure out what that is, make the changes needed to accomplish your goals/ dreams.

We live in a world where we are taught to be “realistic” and advised to be practical with choosing what it is that we want in our lives.  There are moments when you may be discouraged.  It is natural.  But you must remember to keep moving.  Sometimes you may have to go back to the beginning and start from the ground up.  Regardless of how often you falter, you must never give up!  Perseverance is the key success!

They say the way you do one thing in life is the way you do everything in life.  So decide…

Give Love

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You’ve heard the phrase: What doesn’t kill you make you stronger! But I think many people interpret the phrase: “What doesn’t kill you makes you harder.”  We tend to allow circumstances to change us for the worse and make us bitter instead of giving insight to our own minds and hearts.  Because every situation, whether good or bad, allows us not only to see how people within the world moves, but also allows us to see ourselves clearer and allows us to become better.

This is why I decided on the name “LiberTeeLove.” It is exactly what it sounds like.  I recognized around the time I wrote the song below, that I withheld Love.  I feared Love and decided on “LiberTeeLove” to remind myself to be more open to life.  As I get older I realize there is no merit in withholding Love and positivity.  One of our greatest achievements is our vast capability to Love.  Love is the inspirer of all things and I want to inspire goodness.  I want to be inspired by goodness.  I know people who believe that there isn’t much goodness within the world.  But regardless of the Love that another withholds or the Love I show, I will always be me.  Nothing will change that.  My mother said that I will always find my self in positions where I am not fully appreciated because of this.  She is right.  I am a bit naive in that sense and I’ve been disappointed many times, but I cannot be any other way.  I will always show Love regardless of disappointment within a situation.   And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to a sort of peace with that knowledge.

Not everyone thinks in the way I do.  Not everyone Loves the way I do.  Some may think of me as stupid for this.  But to Love is to believe in the Truth of my own makeup.  Through Love I thrive.  I recently told a close friend of mine that it’s a gift and a curse.  His response: “I think it’s more of a gift.”  (LOVE HIM!)  With that phrase he confirmed my belief that the way I Love is where a big portion of my beauty comes from.  He sees that.  And it’s those relationships and moments that inspire me to continue loving and expressing how I feel to those I Love.

With all of that said, I am guilty of hurting and I am guilty of not fully appreciating the Love someone had to give because of my own fear.  But experience has expanded my mind and view.  I am not perfect.  I am human.  It’s easy to get drawn back into a fearful way of thinking and being, which is a big reason why I post.  Not only do I want to inspire others to look into their own hearts and minds, but I also need to remind myself of why I’m here.  “LOVE INSPIRES ALL THINGS, SO INSPIRE LOVE.”  So, I will express what it is I feel until I feel another way.  My heart is big and bold and resilient.  Because even in the face of doubt and pain one should choose to Give Love and acknowledge Love in any way one can.

I really hope you enjoy the song and hope that it inspires you to BE POSITIVE even when you’ve been hurt.  I can’t believe it’s been five years since I wrote it, but I think the words are still powerful and will resonate with some.  Express positivity instead of bitterness.  Love wholly.

Thanks again for all of your support!

Give Love

You did what you could to make me fall
And you did what you could to make me not care at all
But although I was easily deceived
Your lies will not make me cease to believe
That all people aren’t dirty
True no one is clean
And though you hurt my faith in humanity
I will not rip off my sleeves
I will give love
I will give love
Cause my heart was made to last
My heart can never forget the past
‘Cause I grow stronger with all that I achieve
So in spite of you I will not rip off my sleeves
I must admit for a while I was broken
Wondering if there was any point in hoping
And though sometimes I do recede
I know life happens to everyone and so I believe
I will give love
I will give love
You did shake me
But you won’t break me
‘Cause my heart was made to last
And so what my heart can never forget the past
‘Cause I grow stronger with all that I achieve
So in spite of you I will not rip off my sleeves
I will give love
I will give love
I will give love
I will give love
You did shake me
But you won’t no you can’t break me