Category: Fear

Life: Conceptualized, Visualized, Materialized

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Anyone who has been reading can say I’ve been documenting my transformation. This isn’t a physical transformation. It is all mental which makes it pretty abstract. Some of it does show in the way I eat and my efforts to stay consistent with working out (I see the muscles forming), a lot of what I have spoken has yet to put to the test. My view on Life and Love has changed tremendously and today I asked myself, if faced with the emotion of Love or faced with an opportunity to make significant headway on the things I’ve been working on, will I have the courage to take that chance?  Will I still have Faith once Love is staring me in the face, telling me to be vulnerable? Will I have the mind to take my talents to the next level when the opportunity arises? Because that will be the test that shows if I have truly evolved.

Throughout the reemergence of the blog, I’ve conceptualized life with my views on how Life and Love should be approached. And with that, I have realized that truly living takes courage. It’s facing fears. It’s being open. It’s taking chances. It’s trusting something other than yourself. It’s trusting yourself. These can be difficult tasks because of past experiences, past pains, your view on society through the view of society itself, or maybe you were just raised to live cautiously. But once you decide that what you want is more powerful than your fear of the journey to obtain it and see yourself only within that realm of power, you’re living on your own terms and you are able to turn your dreams or goals for your future, into the reality of your present moment.

Again, I come back to consciousness and living in the present.  It comes down to deciding what you want and working on achieving it, daily.  In the most basic analogy: to be fit one must workout and eat well regularly.   There may be cravings for chocolate cake and French fries, but that doesn’t serve the goal towards fitness. Be present in the moment but be conscious of how your decisions affect your progress.

I know I will be faced with the opportunity to attain everything I want.  At that moment I must remember my goal to stay consistent in my vision of Love and I must face the fear of being great and continue to move forward and upward with my goals. I must be patient and never doubt my ability to take on any challenges, whether internally or externally.  I must never lose perspective. I must gain perspecitive.  Everything is a lesson and everyday is a blessing.   And with it comes better knowledge of my own heart and mind and unshakeable Faith and strength.

“Wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.” 

Follow your heart and do not be turned away by fear. The benefits are massive!

Finding Love in Adolescence

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I wrote this a few years ago, observing and imagining what it is to be a teenager and feel Love without fully understanding yourself, much less, understanding what it is to truly love another person. As a teenager/ child, we are bombarded with images of what Love really is. Sometimes even as adults we lack the consciousness to grasp what Love really means and how to give and receive Love. But Life is the best teacher there is. I hope you enjoy!

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She lies in his bed
He rolls over and kisses her
Though he says he’d rather have ambition
He does nothing but try to keep her

He’s blind, and she loves him blindly
Not conscious, so they’re vulnerable to each other’s faults
Defensiveness makes them love anxiously
And progression escapes them because there’s nothing besides the two

They love each other deeply
Together before they even wanted to know of love
Still, they don’t know each other or themselves enough
To show what that means or to build

He says he loves her, but fights to love himself
His life is complicated as other young men he knows
Uneducated, brainwashed to think he can’t be more
So, he’s unable to understand love as a selfless action

Each is incomplete because they’re
Angry at themselves and life
They feel as though they got the clam and not the pearl
No longer wondering of possibility, just pressured

So close, so they can’t see how they fit; that they fit
But he travels deeply, and she’s wide open
He doesn’t see that she really loves him, without understanding
And she can’t see that he uses her to cope, in Love

He doesn’t know where to begin, to survive and provide in this world
And he swears no one understands his difficulties
So he runs the streets
Because he knows she’ll always be faithful

She thinks that her hope is defeated
And her man should be her life’s plan
She sticks because loving him is the only thing she thinks she’s good at
But they still have a long way to understand what it is to love

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You keep telling me that what I want is too big
You keep telling me that the words won’t come
There’s a stifling grip around my spirit, but still I fix my gaze
It doesn’t matter where I stand at this very moment or what I currently hold in my hand
My mind’s eye is set on site
And my heart’s open
There’s so much that I want
And it is only now that I have the courage to admit it
So I’m learning how to give to receive
I’m learning how to whole-heartedly believe, though things come slowly
Conscious of my hold, so as not to slip with my passionate grip
Because overbearing strength is not always the way
Feminine finesse and faithful patience are still acquiring traits
But as long as my hands can write
And as long and my heart can feel
I will write of love and dreams beyond loss
And I will write life and love into my dreams
Goals set forth, bearings implanted in my character and creativity
Reminding myself to no longer take for granted the queen in me
Still molding myself and my mind
So much more revealed in my constant kneading
And I am better than before
I am smarter than before
I love better than before
And all that I am is the foundation to all that will be

Don’t Worry. Be Happy.

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It seems simple enough, but there are times when happiness is taken from you. Maybe purposefully or maybe by no one’s fault, directly. But once you go through emotional distress you almost feel as though you will not be able to recover the happiness you lost. You try to protect yourself from ever feeling that sort of pain again. But once you do this, you actually prolong the hurt and end up hurting yourself in other ways. If you do not confront the pain or the loss you cannot release it, and you give it more power over your present. You give it power over your future. You give it power over your mind, heart and soul.

I speak as if releasing pain is as easy as 1, 2, 3. I know it is not. It takes time. Some quicker than others, thankfully. Because I am not the most patient woman. But sometimes it takes LOTS of time. I get through it by understanding that the heart does what it does. It cannot be turned off with a switch. The release of a feeling takes time. But what we must do is be sure we keep our mind present. If we dwell on the past or the loss, the hurt is given more power than all of good we presently have in our lives. Boundaries are built stronger and makes it harder for the good to re-enter our hearts and lives. On some days it will be so much harder to push through and we will feel as though we should revert to fear. But we have to keep reminding ourselves that “this too shall pass” and what we want (happiness) will prevail in our lives.

I’ve only JUST realized this and made the decision to refuse to let anything hold me in that negative space for long.  I do not deny my humanity. I feel pain. But it was through facing this pain and working to conquer it with Love, that I learned invaluable lessons. Patience. Faith. Positivity. Most of all, I’ve learned that Love is the core of all things good. So I do my best to infuse Love into everything I do. I’m sure I’ve failed more times than I have succeeded by getting angry, stressed, annoyed and many other negative feelings. But I will not give up on Love. It is the inspirer of all things good.

My trick is an oldie but goodie. Work on building your mind one day at a time. Your mind is the more powerful that you probably allow it to be. But once you change your thoughts, you can change how you feel. You will end up changing the way you do things day to day.

So, be conscious. Find something that you love and do it. Set a goal. Find new things to learn and get into. Workout. Write about what you feel. Sing. Create. Go to the park. Appreciate the little things. Write down what you are grateful for everyday. Read.

Sometimes regaining happiness takes a lot of work. But in time, you’ll get it back, and you’ll be that much stronger for it.

Give Love

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You’ve heard the phrase: What doesn’t kill you make you stronger! But I think many people interpret the phrase: “What doesn’t kill you makes you harder.”  We tend to allow circumstances to change us for the worse and make us bitter instead of giving insight to our own minds and hearts.  Because every situation, whether good or bad, allows us not only to see how people within the world moves, but also allows us to see ourselves clearer and allows us to become better.

This is why I decided on the name “LiberTeeLove.” It is exactly what it sounds like.  I recognized around the time I wrote the song below, that I withheld Love.  I feared Love and decided on “LiberTeeLove” to remind myself to be more open to life.  As I get older I realize there is no merit in withholding Love and positivity.  One of our greatest achievements is our vast capability to Love.  Love is the inspirer of all things and I want to inspire goodness.  I want to be inspired by goodness.  I know people who believe that there isn’t much goodness within the world.  But regardless of the Love that another withholds or the Love I show, I will always be me.  Nothing will change that.  My mother said that I will always find my self in positions where I am not fully appreciated because of this.  She is right.  I am a bit naive in that sense and I’ve been disappointed many times, but I cannot be any other way.  I will always show Love regardless of disappointment within a situation.   And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to a sort of peace with that knowledge.

Not everyone thinks in the way I do.  Not everyone Loves the way I do.  Some may think of me as stupid for this.  But to Love is to believe in the Truth of my own makeup.  Through Love I thrive.  I recently told a close friend of mine that it’s a gift and a curse.  His response: “I think it’s more of a gift.”  (LOVE HIM!)  With that phrase he confirmed my belief that the way I Love is where a big portion of my beauty comes from.  He sees that.  And it’s those relationships and moments that inspire me to continue loving and expressing how I feel to those I Love.

With all of that said, I am guilty of hurting and I am guilty of not fully appreciating the Love someone had to give because of my own fear.  But experience has expanded my mind and view.  I am not perfect.  I am human.  It’s easy to get drawn back into a fearful way of thinking and being, which is a big reason why I post.  Not only do I want to inspire others to look into their own hearts and minds, but I also need to remind myself of why I’m here.  “LOVE INSPIRES ALL THINGS, SO INSPIRE LOVE.”  So, I will express what it is I feel until I feel another way.  My heart is big and bold and resilient.  Because even in the face of doubt and pain one should choose to Give Love and acknowledge Love in any way one can.

I really hope you enjoy the song and hope that it inspires you to BE POSITIVE even when you’ve been hurt.  I can’t believe it’s been five years since I wrote it, but I think the words are still powerful and will resonate with some.  Express positivity instead of bitterness.  Love wholly.

Thanks again for all of your support!

Give Love

You did what you could to make me fall
And you did what you could to make me not care at all
But although I was easily deceived
Your lies will not make me cease to believe
That all people aren’t dirty
True no one is clean
And though you hurt my faith in humanity
I will not rip off my sleeves
I will give love
I will give love
Cause my heart was made to last
My heart can never forget the past
‘Cause I grow stronger with all that I achieve
So in spite of you I will not rip off my sleeves
I must admit for a while I was broken
Wondering if there was any point in hoping
And though sometimes I do recede
I know life happens to everyone and so I believe
I will give love
I will give love
You did shake me
But you won’t break me
‘Cause my heart was made to last
And so what my heart can never forget the past
‘Cause I grow stronger with all that I achieve
So in spite of you I will not rip off my sleeves
I will give love
I will give love
I will give love
I will give love
You did shake me
But you won’t no you can’t break me

2013 The Year of Conquering Fear

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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  Inconsistency is the death of progress and 2013 is to be a year of progress.  So consistency, here I come!

It’s the last day of January 2013 and I thought it would be a good time to assess this year’s goals.  I’ve had an entire month to get a feel of what 2013 is offering and commit to what I want it to be.  I will not say “2013 is my year,” but I will definitely say that 2013 will be a breakthrough year for me.  And, no it’s not because I will be turning 30!

I have labeled 2013 the year to CONQUER FEAR!  It’s said that fear is the fuel for every great acheivement that ever was, so 2013 is the time to be courageous and plan on acheiving those dreams that fear told me were unattainable.

My first fear-facing acheivement of 2013 had a running start, because I started taking guitar classes last October.  But on January 26th 2013, I performed my first guitar solo.  I down play it by making sure everyone knows how much I fumbled with singing and playing John Lennon’s “Imagine.” But it was honestly a great personal acheivement, because the three months of weekly learning sessions did not take away from facing my fear of getting on a stage and having all eyes on me.  As I continue to practice, I hope that I am continually inspired to write so that I can start writing and performing solo-worthy songs.

I’ve also decided that 2013 is the year to work on my issue with Trust.  Anyone who really knows me knows that instilling Trust from the start is a major issue of mine, which definitely stems from the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of.  But I’ve recently come to the revelation that sometimes Trust has to be given before it can be earned.  Regardless of how you try to prevent it, life will bring you pain.  Life will bring you disappointment.  But life will also bring you love.  Life will bring you everlasting friendships.  Life will bring you moments that will make a little (or a lot) of pain worth the risk.  Being suspicious and overly analytical will only beget further negative energy.  I’m working on being courageous enough to take on all that life has to bring with an open heart and mind.

Decide what you want from 2013.  Manifest it!  Face it!  Take it!  You are the only thing holding you back from facing your destiny.