Category: Fear

The Emotional Response

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Emotion by definition, is not logical.  Is this why we shame ourselves for having feelings?  Well, I’m actually speaking from personal experience, and I expect there are others like me, as we live in a society that shames emotion.  It’s thought of as a weakness.  I guess the thought process is, “how can you be logical if you experience emotions”?

It is only in my adulthood that I’ve learned to view emotions as a normal part of being human.  It’s humorous to me now, when I think that I ever tried to escape having emotions/feelings.  Of course, we all want to avoid negative emotions, but if we didn’t have the negative ones, such as sadness, jealousy, frustration, fear, guilt or doubt–would we have the capacity for happiness, love, faith, peace or trust?  Logically, no.  When I came to terms with this logic, I was able to understand the purpose of emotions and fully experience negative and positive feelings with a sense of peace.  Ironically, it’s only by understanding things emotionally, that I’m able to be brave and resolute with major life decisions, (though it is still a learning process).

If we are aware of why we have certain feelings, we are able to adjust ourselves to a more consistent way of thinking.  How could I have ever thought of emotion being a bad thing, or something that shouldn’t happen?  Emotion is the flavor of life!  Not only is it a level of experience in life, but when we are conscious of our emotions we can them navigate us through life.  It guides us towards evolution if we experience them consciously.

So current status, feeling all the feels.  Learning to be conscious through the process.

  • e·mo·tion (ĭ-mō′shən)
    • A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes.
    • Such mental states or the qualities that are associated with them, especially in contrast to reason: a decision based on emotion rather than logic.
  • log·ic (lŏj′ĭk)
    • A system of reasoning: Aristotle’s logic.
    • A mode of reasoning.
    • The formal, guiding principles of a discipline, school, or science.
    • Valid reasoning.

Definitions acquired from http://www.thefreedictionary.com.

Authenticity

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“And you know the truth by the way it feels.” – India Arie

It is easier to walk a road that’s paved. It’s easier to decide on what you want when someone tells you it’s what’s best. It’s easier to adhere to what the world tells you you are, or should be, because it’s less scary. It’s safe. But at what point does keeping it safe prevent you from “keeping it real.”

The most profound thing we can do in our lives, is to be honest with ourselves. This is why people mediate. This is why people pray. It allows reflection to see those parts that are damaged, broken, bruised and healing, and gives insight to the lives we have lived and the lives we wish to live. When we are willing to look at the parts of ourselves that aren’t what we want them to be, we are able to make the choice to accept and love those parts, or to change them/our perception of them. With that same insight, we are also about to see those parts that we love about ourselves, and praise them unapologetically. Only then can we truly be authentic in this world. We are not all successes, or all failures. We are made up of a plethora of life experiences that help mold us.

We all have shit that we’ve been raised with and in. We all have shit that we’ve put up with and have been been put through. We all have shit that we have to let go of and shit that we wish to change. We all have shit that we have to accept in order to move forward. But how often do take the time to look at yourself and truly assess who you are in your day to day life, to who you want to be when you lay your head down at night? This has nothing to do with the image in the mirror, or the parts that we can pretty up in front of a total stranger. Neither does this have anything to do with how the people who raised you, view you, or what your friends and associates think of you. Yes, these are important, as we are social beings. But there is a line to be drawn, as there are so many things outside of ourselves that can distort our perception of ourselves, and our lives, if we let it. Knowing who you are, and what your core beliefs are, makes it possible to draw that line clearly.

I find that one of the things that makes this possible, is learning how to differentiate and originate fleeting moments of passion, rage, hurt, pride, fear. In understanding yourself and where these feelings come from, you are able to get down to the real truth of it. And yes I said real truth because, there are levels to this. There are levels to your being. You are a being made of mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional influences. Some people are ruled more by one than the other. It is up to you to get to know yourself well enough to acknowledge which attributes you are more drawn to, so that you may find balance. First step in authenticity is getting real WITH YOURSELF.

I haven’t always been grounded, and I probably won’t be every single day for the rest of my life, but I progress. I know that I am not the same person I was a year or two years ago, and I am accepting of the challenges I face. I accept my truth. By facing myself every day and by doing my best to stay grounded, I am getting to know myself better. I am getting to understand myself better. I am getting to trust myself more. I always do my best to be honest and straightforward in my day to day life and I do my best to stay true to my core beliefs. With them in place, I know I live my day to day with authenticity.

What do you need in order to live within the realms of your authenticity?

authentic

1a : worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact

b : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features

c : made or done the same way as an original

2: not false or imitation : real, actual

3: true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character

definition acquired from www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/authentic

Courage

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As stated many times before, there are many things that I want to accomplish. I actually just finished a in-depth conversation with a very close friend about one of these goals and the effort I have been putting in. In turn, I also stated that so many people I know don’t seem to put effort into anything and seem to be getting by. “It’s not fair” came out of my mouth a few times. To say the least, the past few months have not been easy. But this makes me realize, that nothing is going to seem “fair” during the journey. A lot of times it has been hard for me to believe that I can continue believing in having something more. So in these trying times, I started listening to a lot of motivational speeches. My favorite being “The Strangest Secret,” narrated by Earl Nightingale. One nugget he states is “success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. If a man is working towards a predetermined goal, he is a success. If he is not doing that, he is a failure.” He also states, “the opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” So in the face of hardship, I must remember, “I am a success because I am courageous.”

What we receive is directly in proportionate to what we get. And I post all of these positive things, but once things get discouraging, I have to check myself. Changing a way of thinking and being is hard, especially when all around, things try to convince you to take the easy route and stay the same. I was going to name this post “Effort,” but realized that effort equals to the Courage we must have to make this effort. It takes a lot of courage to believe in anything, much less think that things can be different from what it is you see and know. A lot of times it’s the ones we love or look up to that tell us that these things are not achievable. Think of a child who believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny and their reaction once they realize that what they believed in wasn’t real. Think of believing in a Love and the feeling of realizing that the Love you thought was real was an apparition. Think of working on a project that you believe in for months or years and then being rejected over and over again by the powers that be. It can be devastating. It takes courage to go all in and put that effort in to wholeheartedly believe.

So many of us want things but lack the vision and motivation. We don’t know HOW we will get somewhere, so somewhere in our mind, back in our subconscious there are little voices that discourages ACTION. They discourage you from taking the first step and to follow through with all of the steps that follow. These little voices give excuses. Maybe they tell you flat out that you won’t be able to get what you want. Maybe they say you should wait until the “right time.” Maybe you worry about what your parents, friends or critics would say, but courage is “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.” William James stated “we need only in cold blood act as if the thing in question were real and it will become infallibly real by growing into such a connection with our life, that it will become real. It will be so in knit with habit and emotion that our interest in it will be those that characterize belief.” William Shakespeare noted “our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Our courage is in our beliefs. Our courage is in our actions.

Sometimes I think I am naive, but I am idealistic, and I do believe “what give is what you get” (though sometimes this does not seem to be the case). Sometimes you give so much and don’t seem to get what it is that you put into a situation / endeavor. But the key is not to give up. The key is to become stronger and to become more courageous. Your goals will be met, even after successive seeming failures. Many of us give up in the sight of failure which is why it takes courage to “believe and achieve.” It takes courage to face yourself, your worst enemy and your best friend. But once you realize success is a process and a journey, you will be able to face all things that come your way. You will be willing to go down a road and not stop until you reach the end. Many things will be in your path. Many things will tell you you’re doing the wrong thing or that you’re going in the wrong direction and ask how are you going to get all the way down the path of the impossible or unknown. Fix your mind to believe that nothing that will stand in your path will prevent you from achieving your goal. This is the key. Courage.

Remember, the number one naysayers is more than likely, yourself. So set your mind to a goal and gather the courage to see it all the way through. I came across a prime example while going through motivational speeches; a 12 minute video of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s story. He set a goal and against all odds, became a champion. How did he do this? He put in effort daily. He believed in himself so much that he convinced others to believe in him too. Now there is a sports festival named after him.

It takes courage to stand alone. It takes courage to say no to conformity in order to become and achieve something greater. Each of us are all great. We each just have to have the courage to believe that we are.

Building on the Ground of Defeat

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I recently faced defeat. I put my whole being into an endevour and when I didn’t succeed at my goal I felt as though I failed. After a bit of time feeling this way I decided that I had to make a change. I had to change how I felt because my goals still have to be achieved. But I’ve learned that emotions are a process. Once the mind makes a decision, the emotional aspect of that decision is something that can take time because you still remember what that failure/ defeat felt like. So when I decided to restore, I had to make my mind stronger than my emotions. And when one firmly decides to make a change, one is opened to finding different tools within day to day life to aide in that goal. I came across a few things that echoed my sentiments:

1. The quote: “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.” -Maya Angelou

This reminded me that in this time in my life, it is important to not let mistakes or seeming failures (even repeated mistakes/ seeming failures) hold me back from continuing to strive in being consistent in exuding positivity and productivity and in simply, being better. I must not let failure bring me to a mind-space that “I will not be able to ever meet my goals.” And though I falter CONSTANTLY with my positivity (more times than I’d like to admit), I realize that if I punish myself for all the wrong I’ve done as opposed realizing why I did not succeed at that time and where I went wrong, I will not be able to correct my actions in the future. I would be in-fact imposing more negative energy on myself, my life and my future endeavors. I have to be positive even when I’m wrong and feel defeated, or I will more than likely wallow longer with/ because of a defeated mentality.

2. “A post on LinkedIn Influencers share how they turned setbacks into success.”

As powerful/ experienced/ driven as we may feel on a day to day basis, we are human. We fall into holes; we get tired; we get bored; we get lazy; we make a mistakes. We are complex creatures that live complex lives from an array of experiences. Many of those experiences that press us and challenge us, are there to help us grow and become stronger. The key is letting them. Certain experiences push us to the breaking point, and maybe sometimes even break us in making us doubt our abilities. But the fight in us is what determines the outcome. A moment where we doubt our abilities is a moment where we inadvertently make the choice between growth/expansion or failure/stagnation. But once we are in that moment of fear and doubt, we still have a chance to decided what defines us. Every year, month, day, moment, we must decide on moving forward towards progression.

Learn to face your weaknesses and your mistakes HEAD ON. You can only fail if you quit/ give-up. SO DON’T!

3. Easter.

This may seem odd to some (especially those that know me because I do not currently practice a religion). But through my own interpretations, and being raised Catholic, I realize that religious lessons do give word to life lessons. It is up to the one listening/ reading to find the guidance it provides. And it is the idea of resurrection and renewal that I’d like to touch on.

To me, Easter is about being “spiritually resurrected.” I believe in turning bad situations into lessons and making something you feel you will never recover from, a stepping stone. This is by walking in Faith. Whether in our careers, finances or relationships, there are heights and pitfalls. We are all magnificent beings, but many of us don’t truly believe in the power we possess to be better in all areas in life. Maybe we feel as though we are undeserving or that we are not strong enough to lift ourselves from defeat. There are many obstacles–mental, physical and spiritual. But what gets me through is understanding that we all have weaknesses. And by simply recognizing those weakness we become stronger. And then by working on our weaknesses we get even stronger. And when we finally overcome those weaknesses, we recognize our strengths instead of our weakness.

Recognizing our strengths allow us to recognize the strength of others. And when we see the good in others, we are more of an asset to society, our loved ones and most importantly, ourselves. With each step towards overcoming and building from and past those setbacks and moments of defeat, we feel empowered and we feel FULL. We are able to give not only to ourselves, but to others. And the beautiful thing about giving is we allow ourselves to receive the same. We figure out how to renew because we are abundant.

So when you feel as though things are hard and you’re so low that you don’t think you’ll ever get where you truly want to be, remember that building is a process. Getting stronger is a process. Being better takes time–it takes failing over and over and over again. But it also takes having a mind-set that would not allow you to give up. Because how can you put the effort into anything from a defeated mind-set? How can you build anything believing you don’t already have what it takes to achieve it?

“Resurrect” yourself and walk firmer, taller and stronger than before with the Faith and optimism that you are better and will be better than ever before.

Learning to Dream

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Does that make sense?  Somewhere along the line, I believe many of us unlearn how to really dream.  We unlearn how to believe without boundaries and learn how to differentiate dream from reality to the point that we don’t really realize how interconnected our lives are with our dreams, our imagination.  We get discouraged by the slightest thought of “reality,” where “no one gets what they want in life and most of us work hard just to survive.” We are about the duties of life and not how to make your life worthwhile; adult responsibilities are more important than finding and sustaining happiness. But, everyone deserves to be happy. And how can we teach that to another generation this if we don’t know how to just be happy. First we must relearn what we’ve lost and reach what we once thought was attainable.

I thought that knowing how to dream is something that we just knew how to do.  That it’s something we carry on from childhood.  A skill.  But like any skill, dreaming has to be practiced regularly to be sustained and improved. I don’t think that many people I know remember how to do that. I’m not talking about falling asleep at night and subconsciously forming pictures in your mind (though many people don’t even remember their night dreams…coincidence?). I’m talking about stretching your imagination to the point where you thought you could honestly do anything.

I’ve just realized that what we learn as adults replaces what we know intrinsically as children. But this shouldn’t be. When we learn must add all of these skills onto our mental library and develop them with time.

Try to remember what you once believed the world to be and be it. We mustn’t give up on achieving the impossible. It’s in these moments we find magic. We find out things about ourselves that we didn’t know or that we forgot. It may be difficult at times, but we will find happiness in those moments where our beliefs become reality. I am relearning how to believe and there are setbacks, but I always come back to my dream.

Now, I’m not suggesting you quit your job and leave your family behind, but using the talents we all were blessed with (yes you have a talent/talents) to utilize to bring about quality to our lives and the lives of those around us. Even if we use them in a small way. It is in those connections (with yourself and others) and with those gifts, that we reconnect with our dreams. And I know I sound like a broken record, but it all comes down to L. O. V. E.

Love what you do. Love who you are. Love where you’re going. Love what your past has taught you. Because as I heard at a fitness convention last year, “everything you are in this moment is a culmination of all that you have done.”

So with that logic, everything you can be starts from this moment you’re in and will build day by day by all that you do. Start your dream today; right now, in this moment by believing it’s a reality that can be attained. And remember…Love inspires all things, so inspire Love.

Completion Through Love

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My vision
My soul-mate
I was made whole
But completion is what I sought
In you
In me
The charge behind my passions
The comfort in my holds
Released within your arms
The world, a fog beyond my grasp
We will create
We will inspire
Seeing everything and nothing beyond our world
Together
We have so much to do
Cultivate
Build
To inspire within each other what we want to see in the world
The challenge and privilege of Love
Of THIS Love
We are the seed
We are just a branch of a tree
Just the stem to a leaf
We were made whole
But we sought completion
The balance we craved and seeked blindly was in the other
Heart to Heart
Mind to Mind
Soul to Soul

AMBITION

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You keep telling me that what I want is too big
You keep telling me that the words won’t come
There’s a familiar grip around my spirit, but still I fix my gaze onto success
It doesn’t matter where I stand at this very moment or what I currently hold in my hand
My mind’s eye is set on site and my heart is open
There’s so much that I want
And I’m learning how to receive
Learning how to listen and how to speak
Things come slow but I must not let it slip in my passionate grip
So often that’s been the case
Feminine finesse and faithful patience are still acquiring traits
So sometimes I take for granted the Queen in me
Overbearing strength is not always the way
Still molding myself and my mind
But as long as my hands can write
And as long and my heart can feel
I will write life into my dreams
I will write of love beyond loss
Goals set forth, whose bearings are implanted in my character and creativity
Better than before and smarter than before I aim higher than before
I love harder than before
And all that I am is the foundation to all that will be

Dependency – The Scary yet Relieving Truth to Love

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Within every close relationship there is a dependency on the other person. This is especially within a romantic relationship because you tell yourself that you are going to intertwine parts of your life with another. Regardless of how independent your are, you invest yourself by sharing your brightest dreams and darkest fears. It takes dedication and Trust. It takes two people being fully honest with their hopes and dreams as well as their fears, abilities and shortcomings. Ideally, I’d want someone who wants as much as I do, loves as hard as I do, dreams as much as I do, gives as much as I do and is honest. Someone who makes being with them effortless because his character and love will uplift me in my efforts to love him with inspired passion for life and love.

But it is hard finding those who are willing to face their fears in Love and is able to give the devotion I believe a romantic love requires. This is the greatest challenge, the crux. I still have an idealistic view, which I realize is harder to uphold regardless of my own beliefs. But though my vision has changed, it’s changed for the better. I no longer see things in black and white, but I see color in bright hues and pale pallets. I still believe in finding one who supports me through my greatest challenges, whether internal or external. Because that is the best part of Love. It’s having someone who will Love you through your worst and cheer you on through your best. It’s the one who sees your potential and judges your character through your effort to be better and not your flaws. And it is the one who will inspire you to Love harder and deeper and reach further within yourself to be the person you work to be.

Love inspires all things, so inspire love. © ♥ 😍

Know Thyself

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A million apologies to those loyal who read “Words and Perceptions…” and have been waiting for another post. To say the least, this past month has been a wonderfully surprising and filled with all the lovely things that life has to offer. A CHANGE HAS COME! And I give full credit to the power of positivity. Through reflection and pushing past fears to achieve goals set forth, I was able to take steps upward and outward. Though there is still much to do, by acknowledging my power, I was able to move forward towards goals that I set months ago.

So many of us move through life not truly knowing or understanding the power we have within us to achieve tremendous goals and live the life we want. We struggle, but many of us give up before the breakthrough. So we continue living life in a stagnant phase. The greatest thing I could had done for myself was analyzing my past and identifying my strengths, weaknesses and fears. I even went as far as identifying where some of these fears stemmed from. By doing this I was able to convince myself to move forward towards completing what I wanted to achieve, with what I knew about myself. I continually told myself that anything is possible to work through/ to, once I’m 100% honest with my limitations at that specific time. Through being honest with myself, I was able to work past those limitations.

You can be ever-evolving, if you want to be. And it is only through knowing who you are and what you want to be that you can achieve things you probably didn’t think you could a year ago, a month ago or a week ago. You must not listen to naysayers, even if one of those naysayers is you. Know thyself. Know if you are the thing that’s holding you back from being great. Know if you’re the reason you have yet to find true love. Know if you’re the reason you have not been able to make a positive impact in the world.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge of self is the key to vision! Open your eyes and mind to the universe!

“…know thyself … and thou shalt know the gods.”

Motivation

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On Saturday I went to fitness conference at the Jacob Javits Center. I’m still a bit sore, but it’s good pain. I’m thankful for that. But what I also enjoyed was the lecture that was given on motivation. “How do I get motivated to workout?” This was the question asked, and since I have been pretty consistent and work out on a regular basis as of late, I felt as though I shouldn’t stay and listen. But I stayed…a break in between classes. And the conversation turned into more than, what motivates you to workout. It turned into what motivates you in life. And I enjoyed it thoroughly because it echoed feelings and thoughts I’ve been having and further confirmed that I’m on the right track toward my goals. It inspired me.

Positivity is my lover and I do my best to be ever faithful. Being positive is key to all goals and all upward movement. And it is this frame of mind that draws motivated, inspirational people in my life. I remind myself why my view of life has lifted higher (goals, vision) and how I increased the power within myself. These points are key. You’re level in life is only as high as your vision. And with this vision, I know that all that I want will be acheived with Faith, consistent hard work and PATIENCE (god knows I’m still building on the latter).

So I stay grounded in a renewed and intensified (to an exponential power) love for myself, a love for my life and the people in it, an enthusiastic appreciation for all things good and in a knowing that no other power is greater than my own in my world, because I set the pace.

I SET THE FREQUENCY.

Something that was said in the lecture that relates to all things is, “where you are is where you’re supposed to be, because it is the sum result to all that you’ve done and all that has happened to you, to this point.” This concept was related to health so diet and exercise were the main variables. But this also relates to life. Is your life in tip top shape. Is it the vision you have for yourself? If so, keep doing what you are doing. If not, you can change that. Again, this will take patience, hard work and Faith in yourself to motivate towards your goal and to stay motivated. Whatever you want can be done. You can find a way. You can get there!